Wit & Whimsy

moseying along

2011-03-09T15:26:00.000-08:00

I've moved. Please come visit. Stay awhile. You don't even have to take your shoes off when you enter.

the general store

2011-03-02T08:19:00.000-08:00

What would a love of the old west be without a fascination with the general store? For some inexplicable reason, the general store is something I ponder quite often. I wonder if it's the dormant 'set designer' in me that loves the thought of such simple, basic display. Or maybe it's the draw of the sense of community that must have been fostered in these hubs of activity. Men gathering and discussing cattle and ranching. Women congregating to gossip and visit. Children sneaking peppermint sticks from their glass jars.

(photo here)

I find myself attracted to old-fashioned display pieces: glass jars, cast iron paper dispensers, scales...all accouterments necessary in the days of the general store. Heck, even walking into Cracker Barrel makes my heart race a bit (I adore the display behind the cash registers).

Families coming in to town from their spreads out in the country to stock up on supplies they weren't growing and raising at home. (I confess, every time I see a general store I think of the scene in Anne of Green Gables where Matthew buys Anne the dress for the ball at the local mercantile..."Twenty pounds of brown sugar.")

Obviously, I'm not the only one enchanted by the general store allure. This image from Pottery Barn provides a modern take on what could easily be a display in an old west mercantile (with label holders- yay).

Unfortunately the quaint general store of days gone by has been replaced with the institutional, commerical mass chain stores of today, where personalized service is unheard of and the items sold are mass produced in foreign countries. Part of me will always long for the simplicity, durability and enduring charm of the old west general stores.

Someday List #1

2011-02-22T09:55:00.000-08:00

Whether it's a written list or a mental file in their memory, many people have what is commonly referred to as a "bucket list." I call mine the "someday list." That long list of things I want to do and see and try and become. Things I want to accomplish and experience. My list is long and eclectic and a little bit quirky (oddly, just like it's author) and encompasses the many different facets of my personality.

Someday I will go to Space Camp

Someday I will have a garden and bottle tomatoes and make jam

Someday I will travel Vietnam from Hanoi to Ho Chi Minh City (I almost typed Saigon)

Someday I will take a class on basic graphic design for personal use

Someday I will extensively travel the Pacific Northwest

Someday I will send my parents on an Alaskan cruise

Someday I will actually spend the afternoon in my Word Room/studio and create "stuff"

Whew...that's a lot of "somedays." And get it is really just the tip of the iceberg. The way I look at it, life is both short and long. Goals and dreams help motivate us and give us something to look forward to when things get rocky and rough. After all, hope is essential to the human spirit. All things hinge on hope.

The Parents

2011-02-15T09:25:00.000-08:00

These are my parents, Bob and Sheryl. They were high school sweethearts who broke up right after graduation and found their way back to each other a year and half later. Five months after reigniting the flame, they married, in October of 1970. Yes folks, the rents have been married over 40 years. And this picture is so very typical of them. You see, my dad's hilarious. And off-the-wall. And just plain loopy at times. Forget kids saying the darnedest stuff...in my family, my dad has that honor. And my sweet mother often gives him this look. It's beyond entertaining watching them interact with one another.

This past weekend, mom and dad were at my place. Oh, the fun that was had! Because, in all honesty, I could just sit and listen to them and talk to them and be entertained for hours. That's all it takes. I'm easy to please. Mom cooked and baked for me; dad did some hanging of pictures and minor home repairs. And I just sat back and laughed until I had tears rolling down my cheeks...cheeks that were sore from smiling.

This morning there were more tears because mom and dad were heading home. Oh, how I miss them! After each visit I tell myself that I need to get my rear in gear and move closer. However, "closer" is a relative term in a town that has a population of less than 800. And no true careers and jobs to speak of (unless you are agriculturally inclined...which I'm not). And let's not forget that the nearest mall is an hour and half away. (Not, of course, that I actually like malls. I don't. But the concept of driving that long to shop is foreign to me.)

So, until I snag me a cowboy/rancher/millionaire, I'll remain in close proximity to the city and treasure the moments mom and dad are able to come and spend with me.

And invest in a good tube of water-proof mascara.

a little bit of happy

2011-02-10T15:54:00.000-08:00

This image makes me happy and right now, a little bit of happy is a good thing.

Mr. Sandman

2011-01-25T10:05:00.001-08:00

What do you do when struck with insomnia at 1:00 a.m. on a Tuesday morning? Me? Apparently I sit in bed with a hardback book, my American Girl markers and sketch out a plan for the year ahead. After making a list (er, rather lists- plural) of all I want to accomplish (and need to accomplish in order to graduate with honors next spring), I realize that my 2011 word should probably be two words: hard work. Or elbow grease. Or dig in. Or maybe even yeah right. I certainly am ambitious at 1:00 a.m.; if only that ambition would carry over to the remaining 23 hours of my daily life.

Sundance Envy

2011-01-21T08:30:00.000-08:00

This is certainly not the first time Sundance Catalog has made an appearance on my blog. You might recall me waxing philosophical (or just plain envious) about the Draper's Cabinet here. The rustic, artsy, vintage, unique element to their products sucks me in every time. Most of the items I fall madly, deeply in love with are entirely too far out of my price range to consider. But a girl can dream. And fantasize. And post pictures on her blog.

How lovely would this be to hold the room keys at my B&B. Which I don't own. Yet. So, in the meantime, maybe jewelry? Or spools of ribbon?

This end table will be prominently featured in an ocean-themed (sans seashells...cause seashells give me the heebie-jeebies) bedroom when I have a bigger home and/or open the aforementioned B&B.

Of course I'll need this to organize my produce. Or knitting supplies. Or whatever.

I love maps. I love globes. I love atlases. This one is already in my glove compartment.

Apparently this sweater is no longer available, but it was on my wish list. And now that it is sold out I can lament the fact that I never got to purchase it. Although I never would have (it was over $150) unless I had won the lottery.

Saint Squad

2011-01-19T15:58:00.000-08:00

It should come as no surprise to anyone that I'm a fan of Traci Hunter Abramson's Saint Squad series. LDS fiction + action + Navy SEALs = good stuff. I go through phases of reading nothing but LDS fiction (action/mystery, not romance). I get tired of all the trash out there! Unfortunately, I read the stuff faster than the authors can write and I often find myself in limbo waiting for the next great book to come along.

But I digress. Check out the Saint Squad series. Entertaining stuff.

Etsy Love

2011-01-14T08:20:00.000-08:00

I *heart* Etsy. It's the perfect marketplace for someone who enjoys one-of-a-kind or unique items, vintage treasures, and off-the-wall creations. Someone exactly like me.

Take, for instance, this 2011 calendar printed on library cards by Collette Paperie. Do you get where I am going with this? Me? Library cards? I'm thinking my next purchase from this shop will be the typewriter note cards. Love.

For Strange Women drew me in with wonderfully aesthetic photos and the packaging of the items. It's splendid. And I can't wait to taste, er, try this lip balm. The entire shop is very retro-glam and I dig it.

Do you Etsy?

five years.

2011-01-08T15:58:00.000-08:00

Dear L,

Five years ago you left this world and my life has never been the same. I've finally come to terms with the guilt I felt and learned to let go of it knowing that I couldn't have changed what happened...sometimes fate has a will of her own.

When I think of you now- which is every day- I do so with affection and gratitude to have had you in my life, even if for so short a time. The details I recall are ripe with tenderness: the way your face would break into a grin when you saw me; the way you'd wrap your arms around me from behind as I was making hot chocolate in the morning; how you would pull me into your arms at random moments and dance with me. I still hear your voice calling me your best girl and telling me I was every man's dream. I remember how seeing you pull up on your bike would make my heartbeat quicken and how, later, just the thought of you would fill my stomach with butterflies.

The night I got the call...I still remember every detail about that night. Where I was, what I was wearing, who I was with. Erin saved my life that night...and in the months to follow. I don't know how her and Justin survived me practically living on their couch for weeks, but they did and I wouldn't have made it through without them. Losing you, L, softened me. I was vulnerable and shattered and needed people. 2006 began in a horrific way but it turned out to be one of the best of my life in a very odd, twisted kind of way. Losing you made me open up and let people in. I made wonderful new friends who have become like family to me. But I have never, never stopped loving you or missing you.

You are still in my dreams and each day brings a memory of you. I pray that never changes because you made me feel again, love again. And for that I can only be grateful.

You are in my heart. Always.

true

2011-01-05T13:27:00.001-08:00

First, I must say how much this print captivates me. It's available from this Esty seller and I fully intend on purchasing it for my home.

Second, I've selected my word for 2011: true. I will be true to who I am, deep down at the core. I am not my friends, my family, my coworkers. They all have their own beliefs, values, likes, dislikes, etc., and I have mine. I may seek counsel from others but will always, always allow my heart and head to inform my actions. Above all else, I need to be the unique, authentic, quirky person I am and not allow others to dictate my course. In my heart of hearts, I know what I believe, what I value, what makes me happy, what I want most in life. To listen to, respect, and heed that little voice I hear in my head and my heart when I ponder my life is what I resolve to do in 2011.

To be true.

Of Books

2010-12-22T12:34:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Amazon's wonderful "gift-tracking" process, when I clicked on this item in on my wish list, it alerted me that the item had been purchased (by my mother for my Christmas gift). Lovely. Thanks, Amazon. Frustration aside, I adore the Paddywax Library collection. Edgar Allan Poe is my favorite scent...and isn't the packaging clever?

A year ago, Anthropologie introduced me to the Penguin Classics cloth bound collection. Slowly but surely I've been collecting these gems.

And once again they've suckered me in. The Penguin Classics for children. As if I could resist purchasing these for my future children. I simply do not have that much self-control. Maybe I should work on that in the new year.

But at least my as-of-yet-unborn children will be well-read.

BookBook

2010-12-21T14:53:00.000-08:00

A MacBook case/cover that looks like an old book. Brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? Not sure I can part with the $90-$100 bucks, but a girl can dream.

Wizarding World of Harry Potter

2010-12-17T09:08:00.001-08:00

It is no secret that the Manning family adores Harry Potter. In any movie that showed previews for the Deathly Hollows, there was clapping and glee (and tears when two members of the Manning family- mom & dad- went without the third- kid- to see part I). And despite the kid not getting an owl for her last birthday, as was desperately pleaded for, Harry Potter is still our favorite (after Lord of the Rings...actually, I think it might be a tie).

Given this information, I am going to strongly advocate that the Manning family spends Christmas 2011 in The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Orlando. It looks amazing, truly. Now, if we can only drug my father enough to get him on an airplane, it might be a win.

the stockings were hung

2010-12-11T17:18:00.000-08:00

I have no idea who (whom?) Ashley, Barry and Ellie are, but I'm not above stealing their Christmas stockings for my own make-believe mantle.

TEASE

2010-12-10T14:55:00.001-08:00

It's cute and it smells good.

Draper's Cabinet

2010-12-07T14:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Sundance Catalog,

Please, please stop making items that I simply must have (such as this Draper's Cabinet). And if you must continue to manufacture these items (and I understand the whole needing-to-make-a-profit bit) please price them within my budget.

Sincerely Yours,
Lindsy T

The Wreath

2010-12-02T10:51:00.000-08:00

I (along with every other hipster/yuppie/soccer mom) want to make this wreath for my front door.

Turkey Day

2010-11-24T08:14:00.000-08:00

I'm Vegas-bound in a couple of hours. I get to experience, first-hand (pun intended) the new measures in place by the TSA. I'll report back.

Happy Thanksgiving!

maybe just a little bit

2010-11-16T13:54:00.000-08:00

There is a slight (okay...maybe bigger than a breadbox) chance that I fell in love with San Diego this weekend. Of course, the San Diego I experienced was Del Mar and the Gaslamp, Navy Pier and Navy bases, Miguel's (the best Mexican food on Coronado) and the Hotel Del Coronado, Clayton's Cafe (jukeboxes, vinyl stools and amazing berry waffles) and being lulled to sleep by the sound of the ocean (JBIP lives two blocks from it). That's not the real San Diego. That is what I keep repeating in my mind to prevent me from applying for jobs there, putting my house up for sale and buying obscene amounts of board shorts and flip flops.

Me on Coronado. Spent A LOT of time there.

The V-J Day Kiss statue in San Diego Harbor next to the USS Midway.

Sunset at Imperial Beach...just two blocks from where I stayed.

Where in the world?

2010-11-10T08:14:00.001-08:00

In less than nine hours, I'm leaving for San Diego. Looking forward to good times with my Janna-Banana-In-Pajamas, exploring the Navy base and touring an in-service aircraft carrier, eating delicious Mexican food and getting into as much trouble as two girls can.

Let the wild rumpus start!

leavin' on a jet plane

2010-10-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

I'm heading north to brave the snow, jello, and fake sweet voices of Utah for this babycakes and her crazy-awesome family. But not without a bit of trepidation. There have been mentions of duct tape and scissors and her devil-may-care five year-old frightens me a bit. Good thing he's so stinking adorable, just like the rest of her offspring. And the babycakes herself, well, having known me since I was a wee freshman in high school, she has a tale or two to tell on me...hence, why I keep her around as my bestie. That and the fact that we often share the same irreverent, hell-raising, punkish attitude. I almost feel bad for her daughter's class (we are helping at their Halloween party) and their church ward (their Halloween shindig is tomorrow night). Almost.

Along for the Ride

2010-10-21T13:51:00.001-07:00

I really, really hope anthropologie has these ornaments again this year because I would buy every letter of the alphabet and spell out random sayings on my mother's Christmas tree. Sayings that would confuse her and drive her out of her mind. Cause I kinda like driving my mother out of her mind. It's fun. (P.S.- Previously mentioned mother is still mad at me because on my recent trip home I couldn't stop myself from correcting all the spelling and grammar mistakes -in red ink- on the post-it notes she left on fridge.)

Confession: There are parts of pop culture I'm obsessed with. I can't tell you who the hell Justin Bieber is or what he sings or why he's so newsworthly, but I'm kinda addicted to L.A. Ink. And tattoos. So I pre-ordered this on Amazon. Her first book was decent...and it's currently placed on my bookshelf next to a book of baby names. Don't judge.

Other randomness:

* I was called an intolerant Nazi today for suggesting that implant contraceptives be mandatory for women on welfare.

* My beautiful, adorable, sexy (why guys like it so much I don't know) nose stud has grown a bump that is bigger than the actual jewelry. I'm upset and aggro and just want the damn thing gone. The bump not the piercing. That piercing was years in the works and I ain't giving it up without a fight.

* I have free flights on Southwest and Delta. Now to just decide where to go.

* How have I never invested that much time in John Mayer and Jack Johnson before? Kinda digging them both right now.

* Actual FB status this week: The question my professor assigned me for my Ethical Issues in Religious Traditions mid-term: "Define and discuss the Roman Catholic Church's opposition to all artificial methods of contraception." I do believe my professor just pulled my soap box out of the closet, dusted it off, set it center stage and handed me a microphone. This is going to be fun.

2010-09-30T09:24:00.000-07:00

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." ~ Marilyn Monroe
Lately I've been vacillating between extremes: happy and sad; brave and terrified; calm and angry. Things are good, but not great. Of course, life is never always great and we find happiness when we can look at the world around us and be content and see the good. I see the good...really, I do. But at times I'm so acutely aware of the love and companionship I am missing in my life it makes my heart ache. And try as I might, that loneliness, that hole, is not something I can fix.
There is always hope, of course. Hope that someday someone will walk into my life and make all this waiting and wondering and loneliness worth it. But as the years go by the hope fades. For refusing to believe I'm 34, some days I surely feel that way. I feel old. I feel as if I missed out somewhere. As if I've been wishing on someone else's star.
The good things are falling apart but better things aren't coming together.

Taking Inventory

2010-09-15T14:50:00.000-07:00

It's been entirely too long since I:

Wrote something besides a blog entry, Facebook status update, or work e-mail.
Practiced the guitar.
Made a card or other crafty item.
Played with my sweet, cuddly "nephew."
Colored.
Danced around the house.
Looked in the mirror and realized how beautiful I truly am.
Thanked someone for being just who they are.
Cashed in all the money in my "change jar" and spent it on something entirely frivolous.
Prayed.
Struck up conversation with a complete stranger.
Wished on a star.

2010-09-08T12:27:00.000-07:00

Feeling a bit disconnected lately. Perhaps it stems from trying to be something, or someone, other than I am. Maybe I've become so intent on facing my fears that I am ignoring that voice inside me that is trying to tell me to slow down and listen to my heart. But how does one differentiate between fear and true feeling? It used to be easy for me but now I'm just not sure. Is this what I really want or I am just so tired of fighting the same old battle that I'm willing to give in? I do know that true harmony and balance comes as our actions mirror our deepest held beliefs and values.

I know who I am. I know what I believe. I know what I want. So why, at this moment in time, am I wavering in those beliefs? Why am I finding it so hard to let go? Or am I compromising instead of letting go? Is there any good that can truly come from this situation? Or am I setting myself up for more heartache?

How does someone step out of their comfort zone and still hold on to their beliefs, their values? How do you challenge yourself without compromising what it is you truly hold dear?

just breathe

2010-09-01T12:11:00.000-07:00

That's what this very cool guy at Club Tattoo told me as he was about to stick a needle through my nose.

A needle that looked like this:

And when it was all said and done, I looked like this.

I love it. Something I've wanted to do for the longest time and finally just cowgirled-up and got the job done.

Age 33

2010-08-27T09:29:00.001-07:00

It's a couple days too late, but I feel the need to document all that occurred during the year I was 33 (which was my 34th year). Things such as:

Bought my first home.

Sustained a soft-tissue tear in my shoulder (because I am stubborn and needed to move a substantial rustic-pine armoire all on my own).

Ended an extremely complicated friendship/relationship with a guy who meant so very much to me.

Traveled to Utah for Halloween goodness with the Turners.

Spent Halloween in Greer at a beautiful cabin and went horseback riding.

Started dating again.

Began seeing "Joe."

Began to see a counselor.
Started dating (again) the friend of a friend.

Lost touch with the friend of a friend.

Went to Disneyland!

Did the HCG diet and lost 15 pounds before throwing in the towel.

Broke my foot.

The Beetle experienced a blown timing belt to the tune of $6,000.

Was without the Beetle for one month.

Traded in the Beetle for the Tiguan.

Finished five more classes towards my degree.

Took the Tiguan up to Bear Canyon Lake camping and romping (had to break it in).

Went to Wyoming. Met a guy. A really nice one. My age. Who I have every intention of seeing again in four weeks.

Went kayaking for the first time. By myself. (And loved it.)

So there is Lindsy-at-33 in a nutshell. It was a hard year. One filled with triumph and heartbreak and physical pain. I accomplished a lot and not all of the tasks were pleasant. I let go of someone who meant a great deal to me, stepped out of my comfort zone on several occasions, learned invaluable lessons, and essentially came out on the other end a much better person.

Two days after turning 34, I wonder what this year holds? I'm already planning on a visit to Jackson in four weeks, going to Vegas for a wedding in five, and possible SLC for Halloween. I desperately want to pierce my nose and am going for a consultation appointment next Tuesday. And maybe, just maybe, 34 will see me finally graduating with my BA.

Like New Years, my birthday is a turning point, a new beginning. On January 1st I vowed to evolve this year. To let go of insecurities and "issues" and enjoy being the woman I am. And I have. I am. I still struggle with many things but I feel more comfortable in my own skin than I have in a decade or so. I'm opening my heart up to others, including men (which is scarier than hell). All the things I fought so fiercely for the past several years are being realized: owning my own home, finishing my education, etc. It's time to determine a new path.

And that's what 34 is going to be all about.

Nothing Left to Prove

2010-08-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

When I was about 16 years old, I decided- in typical, stubborn, Lindsy fashion- that I was never going to go from my father's house to my husband's house. I was going to make a life for myself free from support of a man; I was going to prove I could do it all on my own. To this day I cannot identify the exact reason for this goal I set. Perhaps, in my reading and real-life experience, I had seen one to many girls/woman never spread their wings and prove they could live independently and therefore succumb to being under-the-thumb of a man. As I grew older, my steadfast belief that I couldn't be whole unless I lived life on my own as confirmed in many different ways.

I'm quite certain that this resolve has made me what I am today: the good and the bad. I'm fiercely independent and, for the most part, have kept men at arms length. After a couple of bad relationships in my late teens/early twenties, I think I decided that no man was worth the hassle. And yet I continued to long for romantic companionship. But that simply wouldn't do, not with my "all on my own" attitude.

Now, standing on the cusp of turning 34, I realize that I have nothing left to prove. I am successful, educated (three classes away from my BA), I own my own home and car. Yes, I have debt but I also am no longer living paycheck to paycheck. I have proven to myself (and to anyone else who matters) that I am 100% capable of supporting myself and living life on my own terms. This is not to say that I don't have areas to improve in- I do...plenty of them- but that I no longer need to be so fiercely independent. The hard-edged wit and sarcasm and die-hard feminist in me can calm down. I can disarm myself, throw down the shield and sword, lower the drawbridge. I'm not expecting that my knight will come galloping up on a white horse, but I'm willing to be open to the possibility.

And that is a huge step for me.

Observations

2010-08-19T11:44:00.001-07:00

I spent the better part of the last two weeks in Wyoming enjoying quiet country life, my family, and a few new experiences. I also made the following observations:

* I really, really do not like city life. As soon as I graduate, I'm gone.
* I need to practice slow dancing.
* The potential is there for kayaking and I have to have a lasting, memorable relationship.
* Grilled cheese sandwiches are my favorite.
* Denim anything beats out silk, lace, etc. in my book.
* I am a homebody.
* I attract "too young to date" guys like honey attracts bees.
* There is something about me/something I do that repels of-age, dateable men.
* I look better with my natural blonde hair color.
* I can only take so much of the Sixties on 6 before I have to pop in my earbuds and induge in my own music.
* The older I get, the more I long to live near my family and give up the rat-race and "keeping up with Joneses."

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to search for jobs in Western Wyoming.

Random Inspiration

2010-08-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

I really dig the carnival/circus themed pillows and pouf ottoman below from Junk Gypsies. Of course, the cost is a little out of my price range...but a girl can dream.

This little vignette makes me want to bake up a storm...and deliver the goods to all my wonderful friends.

So simple and cute...why didn't I think of this?

100 Miles from Memphis

2010-07-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

It's here, it's here! Finally! Sheryl Crow's new album 100 Miles from Memphis. It's no secret to anyone who knows me well that I am a true Sheryl Crow fan- her music has been the soundtrack to some pretty significant events in my life. I also really admire her as a person (from what I know of her). Her struggle with cancer, her determination to be her own person, being a single mother who adopted a child in her 40s...I think she's pretty cool. And I also adore her person boho/country/rocker chick style...wish I could emulate it!

Here's the first single/video from the new album, Summer Day. I dig it...makes bop my head to the beat.

Another tidbit? Crow's 150-acre farm in Tennessee, Cross Creek Farm, is on the market for $7.5M. Mere pocket change. You can see the property and buildings here. As far as celebrity homes go, I'm fairly impressed with the livability of this one. The decor isn't over-the-top and it looks rather homey. I am especially taken with the rooms in the barn (go figure) and the recording study. The den also looks uber comfortable. No sure about that kitchen, though.

Keep Calm...

2010-07-13T10:34:00.000-07:00

Today, these images are soothing the beast in me who wants to fly off the handle at every person who approaches me. Hmph...

Someday, when I own that farmhouse in the country, there will be a seating area by the barn that looks exactly like this.

Provided I can persuade my boss to give me six weeks off next summer to study abroad, this is where I'll be. (Yes, Nik, I expect you to join me.)

This image reminds me so much of home and where I want to end up in my life. It truly calms me down as I remember summers spent out-of-doors, running through fields and camping under the stars. Simple summers in the country and good old-fashioned fun. I stole this from The Farm Chicks website...which, if you haven't been there, you must go. The site is replete with ideas, recipes, etc. on simple country living. And their (her?) big antique show in Spokane every June? Yep, it's on my bucket list.

Inspiration

2010-06-30T10:51:00.000-07:00

Let me preface this post by saying I am horrible at remembering where I found images online. I simply save them to an "inspiration" folder and move on to the next image. NONE of these images are mine but they all inspire me.

Love this card by Susan Weinroth. Her use of color is truly inspiring.

Barn. Wreath. Candles. Flowy fabric. Need I say more?

Someday, when I own a farmhouse in the country (is that redundant?), I will have a room or porch exactly like this for company. With the possible addition of milk jars overflowing with wildflowers.

These stools rock. Genuis.

The library in Diane Keaton's home, found at Hooked on Houses...which is an addictive site. You've been warned.

Abandoned; Part II

2010-06-24T10:14:00.000-07:00

Or is it three? My obsession with abandoned houses has been mentioned here at least that many times. Here is yet another link: 100 Abandoned Houses. There is something about old houses that I love...the stories of the lives that have been lived there; the history within the walls. Old homes have character and patina not found in the new, master-planned, cookie-cutter neighborhoods that have sprung up all over America. (And I live in one of those planned, cookie-cutter communities so I can knock them.)

I long to have a home like one of these some day: unique, historic, broken-in. A home that has its own identity and doesn't look exactly like the one next to it. A home with a swing on the front porch and linen curtains blowing with the breeze. With a stone fireplace for hanging Christmas stockings and a window seat lined with comfy cushions- perfect for watching storms from. A home with a big country kitchen ideal for baking homemade bread and pies.

A home where, if you listen close, you can still hear the voices of lives lived whispering in the walls.

boy bands and teen beat

2010-06-23T15:11:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were a teenager and cut pictures of boy bands out of "Teen Beat" magazine? Well, welcome to the 20th century where, instead of cutting pictures of of magazines, girls download them from the Internet. As do, apparently, grown women.

And add strange, creepy captions when one of their friends thinks they can "steal" away their crush.

the good stuff

2010-06-21T10:43:00.000-07:00

I was lucky to spend Sunday with this crazy family, the Turners. Nikki, Bailey, Alex and Luke. We saw Prince of Persia (which was pretty good in my book), had lunch at Wendy's and then went swimming in the pool that I, despite living in the new place for almost a year, I have never been to. It was a spectacular day and made my realize two things: 1) yes, I want kids...but can I have those three in the picture instead of making my own? Not sure mine could ever be as cool/cute/adorable as the Turner kids are. And 2) I wish I lived closer to Nikki. NO, Nikki, I'm not moving to Utah, but maybe, when Kev retires, we can get beach houses next to each other in Oregon. I'm totally on board with that.

And that beach house in Oregon? If it came with this man, I wouldn't mind. Not at all.

Thank you for a wonderful day!! Love you guys tons!!

smoldering hues and amy butler

2010-06-17T14:24:00.001-07:00

Even if this shower curtain didn't have a name as fantastic as smoldering hues, I would still lust after it. Of course, at $118, this may turn into an unrequited love.

And these towels would be fabulous with the curtain, don't you think? At $12.99, they are much more in my price range. Thank you Amy Butler.

what i'm reading

2010-06-15T08:52:00.001-07:00

Perhaps the title of this post should be "what i've read" since what I am currently reading (books on the mafia, organized crime, and research methodology) probably aren't of enormous interest. However, I just finished The Sweet By and By by country music artist Sara Evans over the weekend and wanted to share my thoughts...not that anyone cares but I will anyway.

First impression? Good, entertaining book. Rich characters. I'm a country girl so the setting and main character, Jade's, childhood (setting, anyway) appealed to me. The book is essentially about a late-twenties woman, Jade, preparing to marry her dream man, a Tennessee lawyer, but also beginning to deal with a past that has haunted her for years. It's a clean story but hits on some very sensitive subjects. The romance isn't too lovey-dovey and the religious aspect is well-done.

Overall impression? I enjoyed the book. It was a quick, easy, read.

Oh, and the fact that the first chapter mentioned Oakleys, Apple (Macs), a town named Whisper Hollow, a vintage shop and lime green sticky notes didn't hurt. ;)

chloe jane handmade

2010-06-14T09:17:00.001-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I fell in like, lust, love with the handmade, patchwork bags at Etsy in Chloe Jane Handmade's shop. All of the bags were adorable, but I was after a specific color combination. I convod the shop owner, Emily, and she went to great lengths to find the fabric I was after and make me my very own Chloe Jane Handmade bag. Isn't it adorable? Don't you want one? In addition to the bags, there are blankets and zippered pouches and the cleverest little pillows for leaving a tooth for the Tooth Fairy.

Go check it out. Now. You'll thank me.

color me happy

2010-06-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to think I'm addicted to color.

These Apple Socks will dress up that plain Jane white iPod Classic that's on my shopping list.

Cavallini. Ah, Cavallini. Their papers and notebooks and clips and vintage tins make me drool. As do these Moderno journals. Lovely.

and even more color

2010-06-11T09:36:00.001-07:00

Since Anthropologie will be colorizing my kitchen, why not colorize me as well?

(Pssst. I stopped at Anthropologie on the way home last night and checked out the place mats in the post below. They are even more adorable in person. I wonder how much a girl can get for a kidney these days...)

burst of color

2010-06-10T12:25:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling the need to add color to LindsyLand. And, as always, Anthroplogie hasn't let me down:

The little kid in me adores these place mats, but I'm not sure I can cough up $18 for one, let alone $108 for six (yes, I had to find a calculator to do the math). And that little kid in me would need to sell a lot of lemonade to raise that much.

Confession? I've had these dishtowels since I bought the house but was afraid of all the colors. Not so anymore. In fact, I'm thinking I might bunch them all up together like this on the oven handle. THAT would be a burst of color. Even better? The floral prints are fairly subtle making them much easier for this non-floral print lover to handle.

Doesn't just looking at this post make you happy? And want to buy bubbles and sidewalk chalk and eat Popsicles? It does me!

going soft

2010-06-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

Last week a friend told me I've gone all "kind, and soft, and mushy and cookie-baking." And he's right. I'm in this odd little alternate universe where I want to stay home and bake and clean and organize. I want to cuddle up on the couch and watch romantic Ashton Krutcher movies and fairy tales (think Ever After). I'm listening to love songs and wearing my hair curly and NOT wearing black. It's odd, this softness. I need to get to the bottom of it and quickly, before I lose my cutting wit and sass. And before I gain 5 pounds from sampling everything I bake.

sleeping on it

2010-05-27T10:34:00.000-07:00

How true these words are. I've spent many up-in-the-middle-of-the-night hours lately worrying about cars and money and jobs and school. Three am has often found me sitting at my desk, working and re-working budgets, reviewing syllabi's, calculating down and monthly payments for a new car, making lists of lists that need to be made. See, things have been a bit chaotic and I've not been able to organize, categorize, and easily reference everything that's been going on. I thrive on multi-tasking and having a lot to do, but only when I can neatly compartmentalize everything. Lately that skill has been eluding me.

It's not helping that things are changing so quickly. In the past five days I've bought a new car, switched over to a BlackBerry (and if you think that isn't a big move...try it), received a promotion, lost an education grant, colored and cut my hair, freaked out over money and had unpleasant and unwelcome encounter from a boy from my past.

It's not all bad. But it's not all good, either. That's just the way life goes. You roll with whatever comes your way and work your tail off to make everything work. That's not a new concept for me.

And all those sleepless nights? Well, everything is better in the morning. Maybe not okay, but definitely more manageable and less panic-inducing.

And somedays that's all we can hope for.

2010-05-17T14:04:00.000-07:00

The post of randomness:

First, I must say I really liked Letters to Juliet. A total chick flick and a bit trite at times, but I will buy it when it's released on DVD and watch it over and over. Remember my post about noticing the little details in movies (sets, props, etc.)? No different here. I'm in love with Sophie's green leather make-up bag and the dress she wore in the end scene. Of course I now want to move to Verona and be one of Juliet's secretaries.

Apparently I had a "find love in Europe" weekend, because I also watched My Life in Ruins. Loved it; absolutely funny and charming. And I absolutely adore Nia Vardalos' wardrobe. Oh my, those dresses!

I'm reading Angelology and must admit I'm a little disappointed. I had such high hopes for this novel but it's not living up to my expectations.

Booked a room at the Coronado Island Marriott Resort and Spa for my birthday weekend. I simply cannot wait to visit with friends, tour the USS Midway, visit SeaWorld, enjoy a champagne brunch on San Diego Harbor, and ultimately lie on the beach and enjoy the sun.

I think that's enough randomness for today.

i will fall in love in Rome

2010-05-12T10:34:00.001-07:00

Take the quiz here.

Oh, and Nik...that sounds fantastic to me!

Letters to Juliet

2010-05-11T11:08:00.001-07:00

(And other things Italian.)

It's no secret that one of my heart's desires is to travel to Italy. Extensively. Possibly even live there. I devour books set in that old world country (The Last Promise is a favorite). I watch the movies (Only You, Under the Tuscan Sun, etc.). I've even gone so far as to daydream about studying abroad next summer in Florence. And don't get me started on Angels and Demons, the Vatican (check out 1928's amazing Vatican Library collection) and the Catholic church.

That being said, of course I will be seeing Letters to Juliet this weekend. I'm actually planning a full day: visiting FOUND and Domestic Bliss (which, incidentally, has a line of bedding that I covet above all other bedding- Bella Notte...huh...that's Italian, right?), a salad at Costa Vida, and seeing the movie.

The research junkie in me discovered that there is such an organization as The Juliet Club and they do indeed respond to letters sent to Juliet in Verona. How incredibly cool would that be? I mapped it out and Verona is only three hours from Florence...it will definitely be on my list if I end up studying abroad next summer.

And there's even a book on Amazon that touches upon Shakespeare's star-crossed lovers, The Juliet Club, and the city of Verona. I'll let you know how it is. :)

There you have it, my oddly obsessive ode to a movie I've not yet seen. Odd.

Shift

2010-05-07T10:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life you need a little shift. Sometimes life sees fit to shift for you. Both are true in my life at this point.

Losing weight. I started the HCG diet in April and, despite some cheating and a lot of stress, I've managed to lose 15 pounds. It feels good; empowering. I'm taking control of a problem that has always been there (and probably always will be) and simply dealing with it head-on. The program is incredibly hard and restrictive, but I'm seeing results and that's what matters.
Library school. I'm not quite sure just where to start with this one. Being a librarian was my path; I was sure of it. But now my faith in that decision is wavering. I've withdrawn from volunteering at the library (long story short, I was wasting my time, not learning anything, and dreading each day I went) and am questioning if I want to pursue a library degree any longer. Simply put, I'm trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. And I haven't a clue. So much of what I want (to be a wife, a mother, live in the country, take care of my family) seems to depend on other people.
Friends and family. This one is tough. I have several amazing friends whom I treasure and adore. However, they are all married except for two. Of those two, one has recently relocated to LA and the other will be relocating to San Diego the end of the month. And that leaves me here, on my own, in a world full of married people. That's hard. I need to "broaden my horizons" but I've been in this groove for so long I'm not sure how to do that and still keep my sanity.

Not entirely Earth-shaking shifts, I understand. But in my world, they are pretty big...and I'm learning to deal with them.

country girl fashion

2010-04-28T08:51:00.000-07:00

Lately, my dream of living in the country and being, once again, a country girl has resurfaced with a vengeance. I find myself daydreaming at work about my little ranch/farm house, a paint named Gypsy, a lab named Trouble. Baking bread and cinnamon rolls and mashed potatoes. Milking cows. It's scary, I tell you.

And I find myself scouring the Internet and catalogs for "country girl" clothing. Such as:

This adorable prairie skirt from Sundance Catalog (which, by the way, is chuck-full of wonderful finds for the aspiring/returning country girl).

This peasant dress from North Style. I adore this dress, with the small exception of the bodice. Wouldn't it look adorable with a pair of boots or cute jute wedges?

And really, what would any country girl outfit be without the quintessential denim jacket?

what i want

2010-04-23T10:26:00.000-07:00

My blonde hair back.

One of each of the treasures above.

To make (and be able to eat) these Apple-Cardamom Cakes.

This light, colorful kitchen.

something's ticking

2010-04-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not much of a "kid" person. I wasn't around kids growing up. I was the youngest, and then the only, child. I didn't babysit a whole lot (we lived out in the boonies so there really wasn't the opportunity to). Don't get me wrong, I think some babies are cute and I adore all of my friend's kids, but I'm not sure kids are for me, ya know.

However, lately I've been hearing a little ticking in my soul. I'm trying hard to ignore it, but it's growing a bit louder. Take last night for example: a good friend of mine is pregnant with her first child. I dropped off cookies and ended up staying a bit. My friend, her husband, and I, sat around for an hour tossing out baby girl names. Hilarious. And the other day our work website had a picture of some one's nephew up and he was so cute it made my ovaries ache. Add the conversation last night with a (guy) friend on what our kid would be like if we had one together, and I've started thinking.

The thought of having a child and losing my independence scares the snot out of me. Yes, I'm selfish. That's just the way it is. And I'm not sure I want to deal with the middle-of-the night feedings, dirty diapers, puke, spit-up, mess, that kids produce. I'm anally clean and that would just drive me nuts. And I'm not sure I want to bring a child into this world of chaos and no respect and no morals... My mother swears that it's different when it's your own child.

But then I hold a baby or see a cute outfit or spend time with a pregnant friend or a friend's cool kids and think that maybe, just maybe, there is some man out there who will inspire me to incubate his devil spawn in my uterus for 9 1/2 months.

I just haven't found him yet.

(I should also add that one of the main thoughts that has crossed my mind in deciding on the CR-V or the Civic is that the CR-V is going to be easier to get a car seat in and out of. Make of that what you will.)

missing the fun

2010-04-12T11:41:00.000-07:00

Lately it seems as if my life is full of the "not so fun" stuff: car repairs (blown timing belt with $7,000 damage to the engine), leaky faucets, injured foots, cooking for this extremely restrictive diet I'm on, schoolwork, housework, work-work. Kinda want a break for something truly fun. Disneyland/Cali already seems a distant memory (was it only two weeks ago???) and the diet/injury keep me from doing anything overtly physical (running, hiking, etc.), so I'm left with the normal stuff.

I know that the fun stuff will start to pick up again, but I miss it. :( I miss my crazy group of friends whom I rarely see because we are all so busy. I miss staying out until 4am in the morning. (Eh, maybe not so much.) I miss camping trips and lake trips and Mexico trips.

Luckily, my BFF from high school (HI NIK), whom I adore is going to (maybe) be in town in June. And in July, I'll take my traditional vacation to Wyoming (hopefully with a visit from Nik). Vegas in August is a real possibility (again with Nik), as is a trip to San Diego. Then, in October, I'll be heading to New Orleans for a wedding. PLUS, as soon as I get my new car, Janna and I are going to take a day trip to Jerome.

So the fun is there, it's just a ways away. And I really need something now to keep me going. My solution? I am trying to organize a mini-golf tournament for this weekend. Because I'm a geek and like stuff like mini-golfing.

And because I dislike posting without a photo, that one above is from Never Been Kissed with Drew Barrymore and Michael Vartan. Yes, it's old school but I adore the movie. Drew's character is so real and I found myself identifying with her on occasion. Michael looks like an ex-crush/friend/boyfriend and his character in the movie is fantastic! And the ending with the kiss on the baseball diamond is dreamy. Watch it if you haven't seen it.

it's the little things

2010-04-07T12:27:00.001-07:00

That house in Corona del Mar I blogged about last week? Still daydreaming about it. And the wreath on the front door.

losing my mind

2010-04-05T11:25:00.001-07:00

Easter weekend was NOT kind to me. Saturday, the Beetle stalled while I was driving. I lost brakes and power steering and almost ran into other cars on the road. My nice neighbor (for whom I need to make cookies) helped me get my car back into my garage, but there she still sits, awaiting a call from my mechanic saying he can work Bella in this week. In the meantime, my wonderful friends have loaned me their extra automobile so I didn't have to rent.

Then, as I'm slaving away on my Easter feast, I noticed water dripped from the cabinet under my sink. Yep. Somehow the faucet had sprung a leak and flooded my cabinet. And warped it. My six-month old cabinet.

To add insult to injury, I was missing my ex-boy"friend" so much that I ended up crying myself to sleep. (If I ever get the opportunity to time travel, I'm going back to that fateful day in 2004 when I first saw him walk into my class and my heart dropped and I began to fall for someone I could never, ever have. And for me to use what will probably be my only chance at time travel to change our meeting is major.)

Seriously? Bad weekend. I know things could be much worse, but I'm still stressed and overwhelmed and more than a little cranky. Such is life. We deal with it the best we can and move forward. I'm just not very good at the "dealing" without the "losing my mind."

Falling in love...all over again

2010-04-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

For my 29th birthday, Erin and I went to Newport Beach for the weekend. While there, we stumbled upon a little beach community called Corona del Mar. Imagine my surprise and absolute delight when, after almost missing my flight to Orange County Sunday morning, I found myself once again in this charming village. And I fell in love all over again.

My goodness! The ocean, the beach, and the homes. Oh, the homes! I wanted to spend hours walking up and down the streets of Corona del Mar just taking pictures and imagining myself someday living in one of those quaint seaside cottages. CDM just oozes charm. I could easily picture myself on one of the nautical front porches, curled up in a wicker rocker, wearing a maxi dress and a warm sweater, watching the tide roll in on the beach to the west. Family barbeques on the balcony with grilled chicken kabobs and fruit salad. Snuggling up in a window seat and watching a storm roll across the ocean.

When we returned to the hotel in Anaheim, I did a little digging and my fears were confirmed: I will either need to win the lottery or rob a bank in order to purchase one of those lovely homes. But, heck, a girl can dream.

Oh, and check out the house above here. For a cool $4.2M, the place can be yours.

The Boondock Saints

2010-03-25T14:58:00.000-07:00

Have you seen The Boondock Saints? If not, I recommend it...as long as you aren't offended by violence and language. The genuis of the movie is that the brothers are devout Catholics and religiously motivated. They truly feel as if they are God's avengers, taking out the crimial element.

What I'm about to admit may make me appear odd and dark, but I am, and always have been, enamoured with what I call the "good bad guy." The man in the movies or books or history who is doing what could essentially be called the wrong thing for the right reason. The man who believes in truth and justice. The man who risks his own life to fight for what is right. Vigilantes, rogue soldiers, etc.- to some degree they all fit my "good bad guy" theory. The brothers in The Boondock Saints are no exception. They fact that they are spiritual, Irish, tattooed and doesn't hurt either.

Six Months

2010-03-22T10:26:00.000-07:00

Six months ago I made one of the toughest, most gut- and heart-wrenching decisions I have ever had to make. And not one day in the last six months has gone by without that man weaving his way into my thoughts and, often, into my dreams. In quiet moments I can't help but wonder if he still thinks about me. If he wishes things had ended differently and we were able to keep our friendship. If he misses me the way I find myself missing him. Two years spent countries apart and we were closer then than we are now, only five miles apart.

Some days life just bites.

But tomorrow is always fresh.

Angel Wings

2010-03-17T13:42:00.000-07:00

I have a thing for angel wings. Not the actual angels, just the wings. I found the coolest statue (I can't think of what else to call it) on-line at Z Gallerie but they are all sold out, on-line and in stores. Bummer. I'll probably have to wait until Christmas to score some angel wing treasures.

I wonder why I am fascinated by angel wings. It could be that angels have wings to identify them as heavenly messengers, and I'm always up for a good message from heaven. Or the intrigue could be a byproduct of my slightly creepy fixation on the nephilim- the children of fallen angels and mortal women. Which has often led me to wonder if all fallen angels are male. If not, that couldn't a female fallen angel become impregnated by a human male and hence give birth to a nephilim?

Yes, these are the types of things I ponder when I have a free moment in my brain.

Spring Break

2010-03-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

It is officially spring break here on campus, but I will continue to work. Because staff doesn't get the week off. I do not, however, have any classes or assignments due this week, so I do get to celebrate a little. My real spring break will be the second I set foot on a 737 headed to Orange County Mar. 28 for a week of sea and Disney fun. Until then, I'll get by.

I will say it is quite nice being on campus with no students. There is very little traffic, short lunch lines, and QUIET. I often overlook how noisy this place is, how charged and vibrant, when full of students. But there is a certain peacefulness in the quiet when they are all gone.

And this is the one week of the year I don't wish I was on a beach...unless it was a tropical, exclusive beach that didn't allow students. :) Because I have no desire to witness the debauchery these young whippersnappers will indulge in this week. Been there. Done that. Grew up.

Sort of.

too much of a good thing

2010-03-11T12:46:00.000-08:00

I want this. Badly. But both bathrooms already have soap dispensers that match my decor and the kitchen not only has a built-in soap dispenser in the sink, it also has a cute soap/lotion set in a rack that matches the rest of the kitchen. So where on earth would I put this? What on earth would I put in it? I am open to suggestions that would lead to the justification of me purchasing this item. {wink, wink}

Style File

2010-03-09T11:25:00.000-08:00

I admit, I watch movies as much for style as for entertainment. I love to see set designs and wardrobe choices. Nora Ephron is a favorite for cute, sweet stories with set designs to match and Colleen Atwood is, by far, one of my favorite designers. Attention to detail is one of my downfalls, so I notice little things like set and wardrobe design in movies. Yes, it can get annoying being distracted by a particularly lovely desk set and miss the entire plot of the movie.

This morning as I was trying to decide what to wear (it's gray, rainy, and gloomy), I envisioned what my perfect wardrobe would consist of. And, curiously, the lead characters in two movies stood out: Sandra Bullock in Practical Magic and Catherine Bell in The Good Witch and The Good Witch's Garden. I say curious because both characters are witches living in small towns with similar physical attributes (dark eyes, long-ish brown hair) and both have a simple, classic style that I would love to emulate. In fact, when compared with my own style, I would have to say it's closer to The Good Witch than Practical Magic. Lots of classic, solid colors with splashes of funky, antique, unique accessories. But the prints Bullock wears in Practical Magic are so down-to-earth they can't be discounted.

Other favorites? Julia Roberts in Stepmom; Liv Tyler in Armageddon (what I wouldn't give for her dresses in that film, especially the wedding gown); Nicole Kidman in Bewitched; Kate Beckinsale in Pearl Harbor; and Reese Witherspoon in Just Like Heaven, Sweet Home Alabama and Walk the Line.

What was the point of this post? I don't know, really. Just random musings from my somewhat cluttered mind.

Oh, and speaking of Practical Magic, check out the house style here. And I'm really loving that chair in the picture up top.

round 1

2010-03-08T14:55:00.000-08:00

This is the trail that took me in a 4.5 mile loop through the desert. This is the trail that I ran in intervals every two minutes or so. This is the trail that runs through washes that make me feel my behind getting tighter. This is the trail that, right now, is impossibly green and beautiful but will turn brown and scary (rattlesnakes, scorpions, oh my!) in just a month or two. But right now, I am having a love affair with this trail. It's a delicious little secret we have, this trail and I. Each stride pushes more of my desire, my anger, my determination into the desert soil. And in return, the trail yields me increased lung capacity, tighter muscles and clarity of mind.

It's a good thing we've got going, this trail and I.

Couch to 5K

2010-03-05T14:01:00.000-08:00

Starting Monday, Mar. 8, I am beginning the couch to 5K program. When I lost those 70 pounds (of which 30 have returned...boo), I loved to run. Granted, I couldn't run for long. The longest I could go was about five minutes before I would have to slow to a walk. Two things in my defense though: 1) I always ran almost all-out...I didn't do a slow jog because 2) I was doing interval training- walk for a minute, run--hard--for two minutes, repeat for 45 minutes. All things considered, if I had slowed my pace, I probably could have ran longer. Oh well. Bygones.

Now, however, there is this couch to 5K program that has lit a fire under me, along with a certain man telling me I "can't keep up" with him. Let me just prove you wrong on that, mister. Seriously. There is nothing like someone saying you can't do something to make you want to gut it out. Hard core.

Of course, I need some gear: a new pair of running shoes, compression shorts (because I have entirely too much "stuff" wiggling when I run), a cute outfit or two from Athleta, a new iPod and maybe even Nike +. Because I am in this. This time, it's all mine. And that 5K in May or June? I'm going to shred it.

And because I've always loved Nike's ads, here's a bit of inspiration: (well, it's up top because there is something wrong with my formatting abilities at the current moment).

Oakley Obsessed

2010-03-04T12:10:00.000-08:00

I have an obsession with Oakley that is almost as disturbing as my obsession with Vietnam. Yesterday, I became a fan of O on Facebook. And they have pictures of their headquarters. How can I not want to work here? Better question, how come I'm not????

What I'm Searching For

2010-02-24T14:58:00.000-08:00

* Beach skirts. Flippy, knee-length, colorful beach skirts.

* A big piece of driftwood that I can polish and hang on my wall.

* Lollia petite hand cremes.

* Purple and aqua shower curtain.

The Path

2010-02-24T08:33:00.000-08:00

The realization that I could very well spend the rest of my life alone is sinking in and the ramifications of that conclusion are plentiful. There are the 'good': (I can do whatever I want in life); the 'bad': (I will always be alone with no one will take care of me when I'm sick); and the 'ugly': (I have to take out the garbage myself- forever!). For now, I am focusing on the 'good.'

I set the course I am currently on some years ago. A career and school. I'm working hard to obtain my undergrad and focusing on grad school for library science. But lately I've been rethinking that course. It would be silly to quit now when I am SO CLOSE to being done with my bachelors and I really won't do so. But grad school is a different story. I'll be 35 when I graduate with no husband, no kids, no real ties outside of the financial (house, debt, etc.). A little thought has taken root in my mind, thanks to random blogs and adventurous people in my life. "Why not explore and travel while I can?" For crying out loud, 35 is not THAT old. And I'm still young at heart.

So the new plan I'm considering is this:

Finish school. It's free. Having a bachelors degree is good.

Work on eliminating as much debt as I can (pretty close except for student loans from the first try at college).

Keep the Beetle instead of trading it in and pay it off.

Then, in two years, I will graduate, sell the condo, take the equity and pay off what is left of my debt. Move to a Caribbean island, live in a hut (or even a trailer) on the beach. Teach English to the locals, waitress at a bar, whatever. Learn to scuba dive. (Yes, I have an intense, irrational fear of open water. I will just have to get over that.) Live on island time.

Sounds pretty good to me.

2010-02-23T14:33:00.000-08:00

Whatever.

It.

TAKES.

rain

2010-02-22T08:01:00.001-08:00

I love the rain. There is just something so romantic about it. I love the dark, melancholy atmosphere that accompany rainy days; love the fact that water is falling from the sky and washing away the impurities of the earth and making everything sparkle. Yes, I could wax poetic about my love of rain for quite some time. This deep love affair is one reason the iSchool at University of Washington is my first choice for grad school. Although, I must confess, the thought of going weeks without sunlight frightens me a bit.

Rainy days also make me remember the sadder things in my life. For example, Saturday night I had a dream about the boy I recently "broke up" with. (No, we weren't ever truly dating but it was a deep friendship, spanning years, that ended and so I use the term 'broke up'.) I awoke yesterday morning with an incredibly heavy heart and missing that man so much I thought I would shatter. I sent my best friend a pleading text to remind me that everything was going to be okay. She confirmed that it would be and added that she was just thinking about that guy and how much she would like to hurt him. Now, I'm not one to encourage physical violence but it touched me that someone (my BF in this case) cared about me so deeply that she would want to hurt someone who had hurt me. Twisted, I know. But heartwarming in its own macabre way.

I had thought my sadness would pass with the rain, but it's raining again today. And I'm fine with that. I know this is just a momentary sadness and that I will be just fine. Sometimes we just need to wallow a bit and let the moments come. If we don't feel the rain, we'll never truly appreciate the sun.

loving the parents

2010-02-18T09:57:00.001-08:00

My wonderful, fantastic parents were in town this past weekend and really helped out around the house. My father put together a bookcase and hung candle holders and pictures; my mother recovered a chair and a stool. And, together, they made these awesome angel wings for my for Valentine's Day. (Have I mentioned before that my parents are incredibly artistic and talented and I am saddened by the fact that I didn't inherit even an iota of their creativity?)I'd sent them a picture back before Christmas of the wings (I found them in a shop on Etsy but couldn't pay the $100 the artist was asking) and they replicated them for me. LOVE THEM...the wings and my folks.

The chair mom recovered.

life's a beach

2010-02-17T09:10:00.000-08:00

About four years ago, I went through a "beach phase." Well, I'm always in some variation of beach-mode, but in the spring of 06, I was all about the beach. That spring I bought my Beetle, dreamt about spending the summer at Bella Beach, and came close to purchasing this quilt three or four times.

Today, I noticed that the quilt was $40 off at Pottery Barn Kids. So I bought it. No, it doesn't match my bedroom AT ALL, but sometimes you just need a little something to brighten the day, and this quilt definitely does that!

I was also lucky enough to score a replacement Billabong patchwork purse on e-Bay this weekend for only $20. I have worn mine out and was sad that Billabong no longer sold it. But, persistence does indeed pay off. Now, if I could just find a replacement wallet....

oh, leo

2010-02-16T13:56:00.000-08:00

I have a date with my favorite wingwoman, Janna, to see this movie Friday. It will be an all-out lust-on-Leo fest. Ironically, I didn't like Leo in Growing Pains and his appeal only increased marginally in Titanic. Then came The Departed, Blood Diamond, and Body of Lies and I was hooked. The man's talent, and appeal, has improved with age.

I only hope this movie doesn't leave me rocking in a corner, chewing on my hair and praying for daylight. After all, the last scary movie I went to, I had a distraction for a couple of hours afterwards. I won't be so lucky this time around.

i'm going to disneyland

2010-02-15T12:22:00.000-08:00

My parents are in town visiting and they surprised me this weekend with a trip to Disneyland. I love Disneyland. I love my parents.

We will be heading over Mar. 28 - Mar. 31 and staying at the Fairfield Inn across the street from Disneyland. It's not the Grand Californian (where we stayed last time) but, honestly, now that I've done the whole "stay at a Disney property" thing, I'm not sure I can jusitfy the expense. I can't wait to hit up all the rides in California Adventure (my favorite park), eat clam chowder on the wharf, ride Tower of Terror over and over and over. And I can't wait to see the fireworks at Disneyland and ride Pirates of the Caribbean and Space Mountain. I can't wait to eat Mickey-shaped rice krispie treats and lay by the pool of our hotel.

I. Am. So. Excited.

Can you tell?

that kind of girl

2010-02-10T15:33:00.000-08:00

I’ve come to the realization that, although I try to profess otherwise, I really am not a bad girl. Neither am I the quintessential good girl. I’m definitely somewhere in between…a good girl with bad girl tendencies. Patty Loveless did a song some years back with the chorus:

“I ain’t the woman in red, I ain’t the girl next door, but if somewhere in the middle’s what you’re looking for, I’m that kind of girl.”

That’s me. I’m a fun-loving, playful, mischievous, sassy woman. I’m also giving, intelligent, introspective, opinionated, loving, moral, traditional, and relatively optimistic.

What brought this on, you ask? Easy. I’m re-evaluating the truths I have about myself. I’ve long held the thought: “I am who I am. Love it or leave it.” But now I’m really getting to know myself beyond the bravado. Who am I really? What do I stand for, what do I believe? What do I really want in life? I’m trying to figure this out in terms of me, not in terms of Cosmo magazine, chick flicks, or overreaching feminist rhetoric.

What have I come up with so far? I cherish marriage and family. I crave simplicity. I long to be educated and successful, but to frame those accomplishments in the context of simplicity. (In other words, I have no desire to climb corporate ladders, shatter the glass ceiling, or be a Fortune 500 CEO.) I trust easily and get hurt when that trust is betrayed. I am selfish. I am scared and scarred. I want to love and give but I’m fearful of rejection and pain. I am intelligent and need to apply that intellect in a productive manner. I need to center myself and focus and become more of the person I want to be. That I am not the tomboy I had always assumed. I love being a woman and embrace my femininity.

I enjoy looking pretty and doing my hair, taking bubble baths and painting my toes. I love the characteristics that come with being a woman: love, nurturing, sweetness, sensuality. I believe that if each woman embraced these qualities in themselves just a little more willingly, they’d be happier. Modern society, to a degree, has taught women that we should repress our inherent feminine qualities and try to be more like men: tough, strong, cocky. Well, in my opinion, women can be all those things without losing themselves. In fact, they should be. Women are strong and tough and diligent. We are the foundation upon which the rest of the world is built (because without women, men would not exist). We can be loving and giving but heaven help anyone who tries to manipulate or malign us.

Simply put, I can be (and am) both. I am the sinner and the saint. The angel and the devil. The Madonna and the whore.

Isn't every woman to some degree?

Balance

2010-02-05T09:19:00.000-08:00

This morning I lie awake in bed, letting my thoughts wander and drift in between the 9-minute increments of the sleep function on my alarm clock. And what my thoughts ultimately drifted to was a topic I’ve been contemplating for a bit now. Balance. Good and bad. Ying and Yang. Black and white.

A year ago this weekend, I took a major step and told a friend I had more than friend feelings for him. Four months ago next week, I finally cut that man out of my life because it wasn’t healthy for me to be around him. Since then, I’ve done a 180, throwing off my goody-two-shoes tendencies and embracing the wild side I’d repressed (or tried hard to) for five long years in an effort to the be the kind of girl this man wanted. I’m not going to sugarcoat it; I’ve done some things and made some decisions in the past four months that maybe haven’t been the best. But I’ve had damn fun doing them and, ultimately, I have learned from them. What I’ve learned is this: that, despite my bad-girl-swirl moments, I am a good girl. That my heart and my body cannot operate independently of each other and still allow me to feel good about, and at peace with, myself. That all things in moderation is good; overindulgence in moments of weakness leads to awkward moments and epic fails.

And I know that somehow, there is a balance between who I was attempting to be and who I truly am deep inside. What I need to do is stop trying to be someone I’m not. Stop trying to be the bad girl when I know that my heart will just get bruised. Stop trying to act like the goody-two-shoes when I’m really not. I need to let the woman inside me out. I need to be calm and still and listen to the voice inside me, my voice, telling me what I truly want and need. And recognize that sometimes, what I want in a moment and what is in my best interest might not be the same thing. In those moments, I need to be brave and in touch with myself and walk away.

Balance is manifesting itself in other areas of my life: work and school, volunteer and play/work-out time. I’m eating well and splurging every so often. Balance. It’s there, so close I can almost taste it. Just a few more steps…

Thanks Uncle Sam

2010-02-03T09:18:00.001-08:00

Buying a house? Best decision ever...for a multitude of reasons, the least not being the sweet tax refund that is supposed to be deposited in my checking account Feb. 12. Now, how do I spend that refund? I'm thinking on this:

And this:

This is adorable, but not sure I can pony up the $98 for it at anthropologie:

Definitely want these for my master bath:

Oh, and not to mention half of my wish list on amazon.com, a plane ticket to Birmingham, Alabama, and a park hopper pass to Disneyland. I might even splurge on a new set of pots and pans, lighting for the Word Room, and a star pendant for the entry way. :)

Uncle Sam rocks!! Today.

blonde, brown, or black

2010-01-29T12:52:00.000-08:00

Here I am blonde, brunette, and chocolate. I had decided to go back blonde, my natural color, but now that I see the three colors side-by-side, I think I like the middle brown/red color. The dark is just too expensive to keep up ($100 every six weeks) and a lighter color would be better for spring/summer when I'm outside so much.

Opinions? Thoughts?

Typography at Target

2010-01-27T12:34:00.001-08:00

Even Target is jumping on the typography bandwagon. Not that I'm complaining, of course. Check out the latest dinnerware for Valentine's day. Bought a few pieces last night because it just makes me smile. I would be smiling even bigger if I had someone to serve breakfast in bed to on this adorable plate. [wink, wink]

Love or Something Like It

2010-01-26T10:47:00.000-08:00

Despite all my cast-iron bitch bravado, I truly believe in (and long for) true love. I found this on a great blog I read, be-splendid. The blog is a must read and this...this I could have written myself.

“If you pick me a flower, I’ll wear it in my hair. I’ll stash little notes for you where you least expect them. I don’t have many firsts left...but I’d like someone who I could offer all of my lasts. We’ll make history together. I’ll wait for you even if you’re late – and I won’t complain about it. Kindness to cashiers, valets, waiters and maddeningly slow postal clerks who would try the patience of Gandhi is a must. I will feel safe and most at peace in your arms. When you’re counting aloud, I will try and mess you up. I find you magically delicious. I will let you be right when it doesn’t really matter. I’ll giggle when you show off and I know it’s just for me. I’ll hold your coffee while you drive. I can build a fire without burning the house down. If you wash the car with me – I promise to wear a white t-shirt for you. I‘ll hide around corners and try to scare you in the middle of the night.. of course, I’ll end up scaring myself and you’ll have to calm me down. I can change a flat tire and my own oil. It’s the simple things you do that make me swoon the most. I love it when you sing to me. I’ll make you mickey mouse pancakes. Sleeping in has a whole new meaning now that we’re doing it together. I’ll cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching tv. I won’t swear around your family or make you wear silly sweaters at my family’s during Christmas. I’ll grant you three wishes. I’ll make you laugh. I’ll stare in wonder with you at that hot chick with the great rack. I will marvel at your strength. I’ll take care of you when you’re sick. I give a kick ass massage. I think it’s hot when you come home all dirty from playing or working hard. My heart will skip every time you walk through the door. My kisses will take your breath away – seriously. I’ll giggle if you leave your socks on in bed. My quirks and oddities have been deemed ‘adorable’ and I will love you more everyday for all of yours. I’ll hold you when you need it. I will give you space when you need it. I will let you be you. You’ll sleep better when I’m next to you. I’ll thank you every time you open a door for me. I’ll never give you shit in front of your friends. I won’t ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch and a passionate kiss. We can watch your movie first. I’ll clean the house perfectly every time your mom comes by. I like horror movies only when you’re with me and only as long as you hold me close. I don’t litter. I love when you pull me down to sit on your lap. I love it when you lay your head on my chest in bed. I can be ready (shower and all) in half an hour. I’ll look cute as hell in your shirt in the morning. I can balance a checkbook. I can never turn down a challenge. I’ll fit perfectly in your arms. I’ll understand if you get jealous – and do my best to show you that you have no reason. Hand-written love notes will get you laid every time. I can totally keep a secret. I’m pretty damn funny and will do anything to make you laugh. You will always look hot to me in the morning. I think it’s cute when you eat off my plate. When you’re sleeping, I’ll try to stay quiet. I’ll call when I say I will. Treat me like a woman and I’ll treat you like a man. To clarify: I’m not looking for a savior, a fix-up project, or anything of that sort. I’m looking for a man who quite simply adds something extraordinary and special to my life. And I to him. A fair exchange, an amazing mind, body and soul connection and a place to build something magnificent.”

2010-01-25T10:35:00.000-08:00

So the ferris wheel treasure in the picture below is going back. I had it in mind for a specific spot in my bachlorette bad and it doesn't look good there AT ALL. And it was entirely too expensive (even being half price at anthro) for me to just "find a place" for. But now I know that it doesn't look good and I won't always wonder "what if."

And I hate "what ifs."

Dedication

2010-01-22T07:57:00.000-08:00

Despite the record amounts of rain that hit the Valley last night and 70 mph winds, I had to stop at Anthropologie and pick up my treasure that was on hold. That, truly, is dedication. Or stupidity...depends on how you look at it.

Have books, will travel

2010-01-20T10:28:00.000-08:00

Check it out here. A seriously cute, repurposed Airstream trailor that is now a bookmobile. Too bad my parents sold their old Airstream...I could totally see my father and I "borrowing" this idea for my personal library.

Don't make me shush you...

2010-01-13T11:35:00.000-08:00

As is my standard practice at the outset of each semester, I printed my DARS to determine just how close I am to graduating. Except, I forgot to do it last semester. And the one before that. Hmm... perhaps I should state that is my ideal standard practice.

But I digress.

In addition to my DARS, I ran an unmet audit and read it first. It made my day. Why? Because I only need 30 hours until I graduate. 30 HOURS. That is 10 classes. If I quit my job and did nothing else for two semesters, that would put me graduating in December of this year. However, quitting my job and giving up my life are not options. Therefore, I'm looking at graduating in spring of 2012. When I am 35. That seems so far away but I take comfort in the fact that I could be 35 with a degree, or 35 without a degree. I'll take with a degree.

And all this lead me to the realization that I need to start thinking seriously about grad school. If I stay on task, I will be starting library school the fall of 2012. Which means I need to get busy and decide where I want to go. Of course, the iSchool at University of Washington is my first choice; has been from day one. However, if I continue my career at ASU, I will receive free tuition to the library science program at University of Arizona and be able to complete the program remotely. (And I just realized that at both schools I would be a Wildcat. Coincidence?)

Without a doubt, UofA is a more cost-efficient option. But, oh how I dream of the Pacific Northwest. This yearning led me to research grant and scholarship options. After all, I have a 3.6 GPA...there has to be something out there for me. Not so much. Seems as if the only aid available is to minority, under served, underprivileged populations. So basically because I'm Caucasian with a modest income and no children, I do not qualify for diddly. Yes, this is very opinionated. Yes, I believe that the aforementioned demographic groups should receive aid. But whatever happened to good ole fashioned scholarships for those students who excel in academics?

Maybe I should just apply to both and see what happens. The real point of this post is that grad school is only 2.5 years away. And becoming a full-fledged shusher (a.k.a. librarian) is only 4.5 years away.

And that makes me happy.

Ode to the Card Catalog

2010-01-12T10:07:00.000-08:00

I love libraries. In high school, when other kids were volunteering as student aide in athletics or drama, I was always first to spend my free hour as a library aide. Oh, how I adored that! Well, except having to shoosh my fellow students; that was a bit awkward. I was enchanted with the entire process: receiving the books, applying library binding, entering them into the system, shelving them. I anxiously worked the circulation desk because I was dying to see what the other kids were checking out. Shelving the returned books was its own reward as I was free to explore the stacks.

But, by far, my favorite part was that mammoth piece of wood with little drawers and label holders. The card catalog. Oh, the card catalog! Gatekeeper of infinite wisdom! It was a source of true joy in my life.

Nowadays when I wander around libraries, I feel the stark and poignant absence of the card catalog. A black hole, if you will. I'm a traditionalist in many ways and being able to thumb through the cards and discover new treasures was one of them.

For years now, I've been on the look-out for my own card catalog, but every one I find is either entirely too much money or too far gone to salvage. There are reproductions out there, of course, but I want the real thing. If a genie were to grant me a wish for what piece of furniture I want most, it would be the card catalog. Antique. Dark oak, if possible. Can you imagine the stories such a piece would tell if it could talk?

Yes, I realize this post broadcasts my geekdom. I'm okay with that.

Photo from Karen Russell's blog.

Interesting tidbit? I, too, have a vintage carousel of old stamps (from a debunk Florida newspaper) and the postcard stand. I do adore Karen's taste!

Image from Poetic Home.

This & That

2010-01-11T08:16:00.000-08:00

This positive thinking stuff is HARD sometimes.

That picture above? That would be my parents and me on Christmas Eve. We were "bored" so we decided to hang around the mall for a bit and make fun of all the last-minute shoppers. Good times. Even better when we decided to squeeze into a tiny photo booth and have our pictures taken. If you look closely, you can see the tears running down my face in the last picture from laughing so hard. I love my parents.

The Power of the Mind

2010-01-08T08:03:00.000-08:00

I recently underwent a hypnosis session to assist me with my weight loss goals. For all my longing and desperation to lose weight, I do not want to start one of the popular diets that have me eating 500 calories a day, injecting myself with hormones, or eliminating all carbs. I've tried that before and, while it worked for a bit, ultimately I couldn't continue and I reverted to my old habits.

While hypnosis isn't a magic wand, I am certainly open to the possibility. The mind is very powerful, as are our thoughts. Thinking negative thoughts invites negativity and discord into our lives, just as positive thinking will invite positive experiences and happiness. That's not to say that if we always think positive that nothing bad or challenging will ever happen. This is life. It's not perfect. Challenges and pain and sorrow are part of the journey. But it is how we think about and deal with everyday life that determines whether our journey is pleasant and fruitful, or wrought with peril and sadness.

I am choosing the positive. For a little over a month I've been working on banishing negative thoughts, especially about my body, and replacing them with positive, nourishing thoughts. And it's working. I can feel it in the way I approach my day, in the way I always have a little smile on my face, in the way I feel about food. The hypnotherapy is another tool that seems to be working so far. Little changes are manifesting themselves in my life: my craving for healthier foods, my lack of desire to snack or eat out or consume junk food. I also want to exercise and am able to overcome the little excuses I come up with for not.

This all adds up to losing 3.5 pounds in the last 5 days. And that makes me happy. Happy that I am taking control of the issue. Happy that I am seeing positive changes. Happy that I am heading down a path to becoming my ideal self. And amidst this, I am working on my other issues that perhaps had me gaining weight in the first place. My struggle with weight has truly been all mental and emotional, as I think most people's must be. By learning to rethink my relationship with food, to become aware of my body, I am taking back control.

There is a list of things in my mind that I would do if I was slender enough, fit enough. Those things have now become awards for me along my journey. I'm not there yet. I still, to a degree, think I will feel better, love myself more, when I reach my goal weight. Little steps. Learning to love me, in the here and now, is what I am working on. As I do that, the weight, and the reasons for it, will melt away.

It is not perfection. It is hope.

Monday

2010-01-04T13:38:00.000-08:00

* Waking up this morning (to an alarm clock and before 8:30 a.m.) was not pleasant. I've been spoiled the past two weeks not having anywhere to be (with the exception of two flights and a doctor's appt.). It's currently 2:45 p.m. and my body is wondering why it hasn't napped yet and why I've still not fed it a Dr. Pepper (I'm giving up caffeine...well, daily anyway). Needless to say, I'm not very happy with myself.

* The Steelers are officially out of the play-offs. It's been a rough season and my father and I have spent many hours either yelling at the TV or dissecting the disappointment that was the 09 Steelers. We'll get 'em next year.

* I am going to have to plan better for the afternoon munchies that hit about an hour after lunch each day. Why is it that, on days when I am NOT in the office, I eat only once a day, late in the afternoon. Yet when I'm riding a desk for 8 hours, I'm incessantly grazing?

* There are two weeks before Spring semester begins and I'm determined to spend as much free time as possible reading my way through the stack of books on my nightstand. Oh, how I love reading!

* Looking forward to several movies being relased in the coming few weeks: Daybreakers, Legion, Shutter Island. I'm sensing a theme here, are you?

* Trying to remember every moment that the things I wish to change about myself didn't occur over night nor are they going to change that quickly. Here's to patience.

Twenty Ten.

2010-01-02T17:08:00.001-08:00

It's a little late, I know, but I couldn't lay 2009 to rest without capturing the essence of the year here, in my virtual journal.

My word for 2009 was Unwritten. I was inspired to choose it based on the Natasha Bedingfield song. I wanted to do as the song says, to live my life with arms wide open, to feel the rain on my skin, to write my own story. And I feel like I did all that, and more, last year.

I laid my heart wide open to someone whom I treasured deeply and had it rejected. Not once, but twice. In hindsight, I can see that every moment of that heartache and sorrow was exactly what I needed in order to put the past to rest. That man and I no longer speak or see each other. I deeply miss our friendship and truly wish things between us hadn't gone so wrong, but I couldn't live an illusion any longer. Letting go was the best thing possible. It opened me up to a world of possibilities.

I also purchased my first home. What an adventure that was! The stress, the stress, and, oh yeah, the stress. But I love my new home and couldn't be happier. Last NYE owning my own home was a dream...something far in the future. But I worked my butt off and made the dream come true.

I also started dating again. Not just "hanging out", but real, honest-to-goodness dating, where the guy comes and picks me up and pays. I've forgotten how nerve-racking dating can be as opposed to "hanging out". There is pressure with dating; expectations. However, I'd rather be dating than closing myself off to all the joy and happiness being in love brings. And it is interesting and therapeutic to learn about yourself in such situations. You determine what you will and won't tolerate or do. You discover what you truly desire in another person and what you may be willing to overlook. You solidify beliefs and values that perhaps had gone untested for a time. You learn to let others in and realize that not every relationship needs to be "the one."

Add to this furloughs, a soft tissue shoulder tear (that's been a pain the rear), some fun trips with friends and to see friends, completing four more classes towards my degree, receiving an anonymous valentine that stills drives me crazy and struggling with my religious beliefs and it has been an eventful year.

So what did I learn in 2009? I learned that I am strong and resilient. That I can take a whole lot of heartache and overcome it. That sometimes we have to let go in order to move on. I've also learned that I have issues to deal with and have enlisted the necessary help to do so. I've learned who my true friends are and cut ties with those who were weighing me down. I also began the process of rediscovering my inner-beauty. Began to believe that I am beautiful and amazing just the way I am. That I control my life and that I can no longer close off my heart and soul for fear of being hurt. I am going to get hurt. That's life. But I am, and always have been, strong enough to deal with whatever comes my way.

And where does that leave me for 2010? What am I resolving?

Nothing.

I recently read a quote that said, "Don't resolve. Evolve."

And that is exactly what I am going to do. I am going to leave behind the scared and scarred little girl that cowered in the corner because every time she ventured out life threw her a curve ball. After one to many curve balls, she figured it was safer to just hide in the corner. And safe can be such an ugly word.

I am going to evolve into the beautiful, graceful, wise, witty, loving, magical, lovely, enchanting woman I know I have been hiding from these past four years. The woman I believe myself to be in moments when I conquer the fear and embrace who I am, where I come from, and where I can go. I know there will be moments of fear, and doubt, and sorrow and that is okay. There always will be. But there are just moments. And moments pass.

All this brings me to my word for 2010: BRAVE. I am going to brave and face the world head on. I am going to be exactly who I am and not apologize. I can be old-fashioned and traditional and outlandish and unconventional all at the same time. Because that is who I am. I will be BRAVE and open my heart. I will be BRAVE and take chances. I will be BRAVE and live life on my own terms.

After all, being safe rarely gets you anywhere. Being BRAVE opens up a world of possibility.

Happy Holidays and Blog Break

2009-12-18T14:47:00.001-08:00

(I wish this is what my Christmas looked like.)

For the next 2+ weeks I will not be sitting at a computer for upwards of 12 hours a day. I'm on vacation from work and the semester is over. I am officially on sabbatical...which means I probably won't be blogging until the new year. It's been a crazy year and I am taking the next two weeks to enjoy Christmas with my family, recoup from 2009, and gear up for 2010. It's a whole new decade and anything can happen.

Wishing everyone in blog land a magical Christmas and new year filled with love and enchantment.

Home Lust

2009-12-11T08:28:00.000-08:00

I could easily live in this beautiful home.

It just tugs at my heart strings and whispers to my soul.

Happy

2009-12-10T16:15:00.001-08:00

Loving this song by Leona Lewis.

Two Weeks

2009-12-07T09:03:00.000-08:00

I only have two weeks of work left in 2009. Nine and three-fourths, to be exact. Between "holiday time off" (furlough) and vacation, I will have two wonderful, fun-filled weeks free of work. Not, of course, that work is awful. I truly love my job, the place I work, and the people I work with. However, we all need R&R and this year has been a non-stop roller coaster ride for me. Looking forward to family time and alone time. Time to regroup and refocus for 2010. Cause I have BIG plans for next year.

And in the middle of all that regrouping and resting falls Christmas. This year, the holiday is going to be fairly low-key in LindsyLand. I've bought a new home which has put a restriction on my holiday spending but it's a good thing. My friends and I have decided that we are no longer buying presents for each other. Everyone has had a tough time financially this year, so we are getting creative. White elephant parties, trading "service", donating to those in need instead of each other. It's a tradition I hope we continue.

Would it be wrong to make a little paper chain and hang it in my officle counting down to Dec. 18???

Friday Thought of the Day

2009-12-04T15:47:00.000-08:00

When your heart changes you see the world differently.

You see yourself differently.

You become stronger, wiser, braver, more compassionate, more lovely.

When you see yourself for who you could really be....the whole world opens up.

When the whole world opens up before you....you become brave...you begin to take steps to become the person that you really dream of becoming.

Being brave is taking the steps you need to when you don't know the outcome.

Fear could keep us from doing so much...but bravery is just taking that first step.

(Quote from A Bushel and a Peck)

What Makes Me Smile

2009-12-02T07:44:00.000-08:00

First, thank you for all the uplifting comments, e-mails, and FB messages regarding my last post. Monday was a BAD day. Tuesday was great. Today's not looking too shabby. The one thing I lost sight of on Monday is that happiness is a choice we make each day. "I guess I'm learning, little by little, that we decide what our lives are going to be. Things happen to us, but it is our reactions that matter" (said by Sally Reardon in season one of Felicity). There will be days when we simply need to wallow...but most days we just need to "put on our big-girl panties" and "cowgirl up" (thanks, Nik!). Everything will be all right.

Moving on. While in Utah over Thanksgiving, I developed a new obsession at a craft show. Watch Art. Apparently the trend is big in Utah but I've never seen the watches down here. Essentially it's a "make your own watch" deal...you can interchange faces and bands. And the bands are stinking adorable! I bought two (a clear "crystal" and a black, white, and turquoise) and face at the show, and just ordered this Christmas-ey one from Scarlet Lime. The whimsical bands make me smile.

In other news, when I returned from said trip, I had a package waiting at my front door. Back in August, I read The Hollow by Jessica Verday. The book is a decent first attempt by a YA author and I'm looking forward to seeing how the story plays out. It's a quick, light read, but good. In the book, the main character, Abbey, creates perfumes and dreams of opening her own shop. The author created scents for the three main characters in the book and held a contest for them on her blog. I won! Yay me! I received the three scents as well as an autographed copy of The Hollow. That makes me smile.

Remember the Blissfest street fair I went to last month? Well, one of the booths had adorable paper chains crafted from old book pages. Do you see where I am going with this? Book pages? Paper chains? Word Room? I ordered a set of old illustrated dictionary pages from Etsy a week or two ago and last night got busy trying to make my paper chain. I might have to re-do it since the chains are a bit thick, but I love how it looks so far! I also want to try the paper sunburst mirrors (here's the tutorial for the project). These projects make me smile.

Cause Smiling? It's good.

Broken

2009-11-30T12:48:00.000-08:00

I'm broken. I've been this way for a while but the reality of what it means to be broken is catching up to me. Day in and day out, I've been numb...putting on a show. I laugh and smile and go about my day, but I have no emotion. This past week with my family I began to feel again and it hurt like hell. In a heart-to-heart with my father, he pointed out that I am bitter and making life difficult for those around me (especially guys). He also said what everyone else thinks shouldn't matter- I am who I am. When I told him I just "give up", he responded with, "That's not what a Manning does." So simple. So true.

And yet and I can't remember how to open up and give anymore. I'm selfish and stubborn and so very closed off. The fear of letting anyone in, even a little, makes me seal myself shut faster than a plate of cookies disappears at a Weight Watcher's meeting. I want to love again but the fear of losing someone else makes me almost sick to my stomach.

What it boils down to is that I'm broken and damaged. And maybe I really do need more help than the mall or a pint of ice cream can offer.

the Christmas list

2009-11-17T09:17:00.000-08:00

I'm 33 and haven't lived in the same state with my parents for 13 years. Yet every year they ask for a Christmas list. Secretly, I love it. There are always little things I want but just never get around to buying and they end up on my Christmas list. One year, I created a PowerPoint presentation, complete with links and pictures. Another year I actually wrote out my Christmas list in red crayon and mailed it in a Christmas-ey envelope. It reminds me of being a kid and the magic and anticipation of Christmas.

This year, Santa received a simple e-mail. And it contained:

Sheryl Crow Tuesday Night Music Club Deluxe Edition

Anthropologie Printer's Letter Stand

Fossil Key Charm Necklace

The Farm Chicks in the Kitchen cookbook

Now if I can just get my mother and father to give ideas as to what they would like for Christmas, the shopping can begin.

leaving normal

2009-11-13T08:27:00.000-08:00

Last night I made a decision that is definitely going to have me leaving normal. My normal, anyway. I'm nervous and excited and a little sick to my stomach, but I know I need this change. I need to leave behind the past five years and move forward to something better. And granted, this choice isn't going to be the end all, be all of my life, but it's what I need right now.

(I the above picture is one I recently purchased for my bedroom from Kelly Ann Studios. Check out her site. Very talented gal!)

Retail Therapy

2009-11-09T08:14:00.000-08:00

J-Izzle and I went to Bliss Fest in downtown Mesa on Saturday. It was pretty cool. I fell in love with jewelry by Beth Quinn Designs (the necklace and matching earrings in the picture below); was inspired to make a paper chain out of old book pages, and; ate the best nachos I've ever had at Mangos.

Then we went to Anthropologie where I couldn't resist purchasing a mercury vase for my make-up brushes. THEN on to Chandler mall where the star earrings at Fossil called my name. Actually, they shouted and pouted and cried so much when I left them in the store that I had to stop back by and pick them up on our way out. I also remembered just how much I HATE shopping on weekends. Ugh.

weekend in pictures

2009-11-02T09:18:00.000-08:00

Halloween Stuff

2009-10-30T11:37:00.000-07:00

Tonight I will be heading to a cabin the woods to celebrate Halloween with a group of friends. Since I probably won't have internet, I'm posting random Halloween stuff today.

* Practical Magic. Love this show and even more, I love house. This is the house I would own if it truly exsited. And I had money. Check out a tour of the house at Hooked on Houses.

* My Halloween cards. Nothing too fancy, but I loved having a craft room to create these things in.

* I ordered this delicious box of treats for my mom and dad (today is their 39th wedding anniversary) and kind of wish I'd ordered one for me, too! I *heart* Moose Munch.

* I'm sad that the Halloween season is coming to a close. It's been a BUSY one...trips to Utah and the cabin, my parents in town, settling into the new place. Every year I have a list of crafts and things to do but only one or two get crossed off. But there is always next year.

Happy Halloween!!