Closer to Myself

Where to start? Last week was definitely one of the harder weeks I've had in the last couple of years. It seems as if everything emotional that could come to a head, did. I was anxious and stressed about my job and our required, unpaid furlough. I was tired of fighting and hiding my feelings for a one guy while being incredibly frustrated at how another was treating me. I was eating awful and therefore felt awful. I missed a couple of assignments in class. The list goes on and on. Finally, on Friday, I decided I couldn't go on the way I was. So, I:

1. Cut off a certain guy who has been frustrating me to no end with his flakiness and rudeness. I don't accept that kind of behavior from my friends; why was I accepting it from someone who hadn't even reached true friend status yet? That tie has been cut and I feel good about the decision.
2. After two incredibly frustrating and uncomfortable conversations with a very good friend, I decided to, once and for all, put my feelings on the table and tell him that I had more than friend feelings for him. I meant to do this back in September and chickened out. But this time I knew it had to be done, for my own peace of mind. I couldn't find the words, so I finally wrote him a note and gave it to him. No matter what happens from here on out, I did what I had to. I know without any doubt that, had I never told him how I feel, I would have kicked myself in the butt for it someday. These feelings have been growing for over three years and I needed to let them out.
3. There is absolutely nothing I can do about my job and pay decrease. I'm very grateful I still have a job and all the benefits it comes with. I just need to tighten the belt and be more frugal and conservative. I really don't need to pay $60/month for my Internet nor do I need to pay $75 for cable television I rarely watch.
4. It's time to stop making excuses for my weight, for my eating habits, for not exercising. I am going to take it slow and steady and get on the healthy train.

There it is. My new outlook on life and a new beginning, in a few ways. A resolve to be true to myself and not let fear control me. No matter what may happen, I can choose to react to it with grace and wisdom. I am truly not the weak creature I have seen in the mirror these past couple of days and I refuse to see her anymore when I look.