{the story of a girl}

Saturday, January 08, 2011

five years.

Dear L,

Five years ago you left this world and my life has never been the same. I've finally come to terms with the guilt I felt and learned to let go of it knowing that I couldn't have changed what happened...sometimes fate has a will of her own.

When I think of you now- which is every day- I do so with affection and gratitude to have had you in my life, even if for so short a time. The details I recall are ripe with tenderness: the way your face would break into a grin when you saw me; the way you'd wrap your arms around me from behind as I was making hot chocolate in the morning; how you would pull me into your arms at random moments and dance with me. I still hear your voice calling me your best girl and telling me I was every man's dream. I remember how seeing you pull up on your bike would make my heartbeat quicken and how, later, just the thought of you would fill my stomach with butterflies.

The night I got the call...I still remember every detail about that night. Where I was, what I was wearing, who I was with. Erin saved my life that night...and in the months to follow. I don't know how her and Justin survived me practically living on their couch for weeks, but they did and I wouldn't have made it through without them. Losing you, L, softened me. I was vulnerable and shattered and needed people. 2006 began in a horrific way but it turned out to be one of the best of my life in a very odd, twisted kind of way. Losing you made me open up and let people in. I made wonderful new friends who have become like family to me. But I have never, never stopped loving you or missing you.

You are still in my dreams and each day brings a memory of you. I pray that never changes because you made me feel again, love again. And for that I can only be grateful.

You are in my heart. Always.


Blogger Katherine =* said...

omgg this made me feel what you were feeling =[[

10:35 AM


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