{the story of a girl}

Friday, December 19, 2008

The Perfectionist In Me

I started feeling a little under the weather last night which simply will not do with my upcoming travel, Christmas, family visit, etc. So I stopped in to Target on the way to work and bought Zicam. As I started popping it like candy, a co-worker stopped by my desk and mentioned that I've been sick quite a bit lately. True. She also said that she'd read that one reason people get sick is because of busy/cluttered minds and the desire to have everything perfect.

That's me. Between work and school and life, I'm a pretty busy person. And my mind will sometimes refuse to shut off. I also have a desire to make everything around me lovely: I want my Sunday dinners to make my friends feel loved and taken care of; I want to do small things for my loved ones to let them know they are cherished; I want to make my home a haven. But perhaps in this desire I'm mis-focusing my energy. Not that these are not worthy pursuits, but maybe everything doesn't have to be absolutely perfect. My cookies don't always have to be homemade, my cards don't have to be all handmade, and I can certainly have a less-than-immaculate house.

And, while I'm on a roll, I don't have to get straight As. This semester I pulled an A- and probably a B-; it was a tough semester. I went from a 4.3 to a 3.8...and I'm upset about it. Now I'm doubting my ability to get into grad school with a 3.8. Really? Who am I kidding? A 3.8 is still amazing.

I'm not perfect and I don't have to be. And maybe, just maybe, in 2009 I will realize that and let go of some of my insane expectations for myself and others. And for life in general.


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