{the story of a girl}

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

A boy from way-back-when

I have lots of boys-from-way-back-when. Don't you? Essentially, these are boys who never made it to true "boyfriend" status but who still meant something to me and shared a piece of my life.

I dreamt of one such boy last night. Let's call him T. T was a little younger than I and we worked together at a grocery store when we were in high school. I knew T had a crush on me and, being the flirt that I am, I did little to discourage it. Okay, maybe I even encouraged it. T even asked me to my senior prom. At first I turned him down because I truly had no desire to go. The Sunday night before prom, I watched Pretty In Pink. The part where Annie Potts was talking about her prom and telling Molly Ringwald she would regret not going hit home. The next day I called T and accepted his invitation to escort me to my senior prom. I am going to have to save the rest of that story for another post.

Throughout the summer, T and I hung out but I kept him at arm's length. Before long, he got the hint and began dating another girl. That fall, said girl went away to college leaving T to endure his senior year all by his lonesome in the Arizona desert. Being the good friend that I am, I consoled T with games of pool and rounds of flirtation. I should have known it would back-fire.

NOTE: Stop reading now if you think I'm an angel and want to continue with that (erroneous) assumption.

T and I started dating. Behind his girlfriend's back. Now, I do not condone my behavior, nor will I defend it except to say this: I was 18 and very selfish. He wasn't married, engaged, or otherwise committed to this girl. I've since grown up and would never consider dating anyone who was already dating another person. Just the way I am. Now. Not then, though.

Moving on. T was one of the few boys/guys/men in my past who showed me true affection. The look in his eyes when he would look at me spoke volumes. I knew he cared for me (maybe even loved me) deeply and accepted me and adored me just the way I was. No excuses; no explanations. And anyone who remembers me at 17 and 18 will understand why that was such a big deal.

To this day I'm not sure what happened with T and I. One of the last times we were together, his entire family caught us holding hands and kissing, knowing he had a girlfriend away at college. After that we just drifted apart. I've often thought about him over the years and wondered how he was doing. I've even dreamt about him several times.

Last night was much the same dream as always. We meet again after all these years. I realize that he truly loves, adores and accepts me. I fall in love with him. We end up together.

I always feel the same way on mornings after these dreams: wistful and melancholy. Not that I think T was THE ONE, but because I long for someone to look at me again with such adoration and acceptance and to think I hung the moon.


Blogger Nikki said...

I think you should find him and see how he is doing and where he's at with his life. Maybe his is the one!!

9:44 AM


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