Happy Birthday Big Brother

This is my big brother, Bowdy, who would have been 35 years old today. Bowdy passed away August 1, 1989 of injuries sustained when he was hit by a train while riding his bicycle. Words cannot even begin to describe the loss my family felt. In all my life, I will never, ever understand how awful it was for my parents to lose a child, their first born and only son.

My brother was two years older than I and we fought like two dogs, as a speaker at his memorial service said. We would argue and bicker and torture each other. Since he passed away only three days after his 15th birthday, Bowdy and I never grew to be true friends, the way I see my friends and their siblings are now. Sometimes I feel cheated of that brother-sister relationship. I'll never have blood nieces and nephews; I'll never have a big-brother to intimidate my dates and boyfriends; I'll never have anyone to help with my parents as they age.

It will be twenty years this Saturday that my brother passed away. Some days it feels as if it's been forever and other times it's as if it just happened yesterday. The pain truly never goes away, but it does get better. Over the years I've learned that faith is an amazing blessing- to believe, to know, that we go on after this world and that we will see our loved ones again. I cannot begin to imagine coping with life without this knowledge.

Happy birthday big brother. I miss you. Everyday.