{the story of a girl}

Monday, October 05, 2009

just what I needed

The cookie diet is HARD. It's hard to not eat like a normal person. It's hard to eat gross cookies. It's damn hard to resist In N Out. But, last week I did so-so (I cheated quite a bit) and lost 3.5 lbs. Nice. And wouldn't you know that it was just the motivation I needed to really shift into high gear and stick to this diet. Seeing that little bit of weight come off makes me want to eat super healthy and work out like a fiend.

And that, my friends, is just what I need to do.

Because I realize that, no matter how good other parts of my life are, I will always be somewhat unhappy until I get to a reasonable body weight. I'll never be a waif. I'll never be a size 4. I'll never be "skinny." But I will be healthy and fit and toned. And I will not be able to use my weight as an excuse for anything. I will no longer be able to hide behind the fat. Does that scare me? Hell yes! But I also know that my weight is a barrier to becoming the person I truly want to be. I can (and need) to work on all the other little issues that plaque me, but the weight is my number one issue.

For now, what I wish for more than anything is the self-discipline and determination to stick to this program and see it through. All the way to a size 8.


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