{the story of a girl}

Thursday, September 30, 2010

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." ~ Marilyn Monroe

Lately I've been vacillating between extremes: happy and sad; brave and terrified; calm and angry. Things are good, but not great. Of course, life is never always great and we find happiness when we can look at the world around us and be content and see the good. I see the good...really, I do. But at times I'm so acutely aware of the love and companionship I am missing in my life it makes my heart ache. And try as I might, that loneliness, that hole, is not something I can fix.

There is always hope, of course. Hope that someday someone will walk into my life and make all this waiting and wondering and loneliness worth it. But as the years go by the hope fades. For refusing to believe I'm 34, some days I surely feel that way. I feel old. I feel as if I missed out somewhere. As if I've been wishing on someone else's star.

The good things are falling apart but better things aren't coming together.


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