{spilling open}

As part of my "retail therapy" over the past few weeks, I purchased a book entitled Spilling Open by Sabrina Ward Harrison. I just got it last night in the mail and have only read a couple of pages, but I'm in awe of this woman's insight and creativity. One quote in there has really got me thinking. I'm not sure of the exact verbiage and, since the book is at home, I'll try to recall it. Something along the lines of "Whatever our age, we all must own something. Even it is only our own confusion". This really struck a cord with me. What, at this particular moment in time, would I own?

And then it came to me. I would own my grief. The prominent emotion of the past several weeks. The pain and sorrow I feel is so intimately mine. I feel it in a way that no one else possibly could. My frame of reference is different from everyone else's. So is my heart. The grief is mine and mine alone. I know I'm not the only one grieving, but I'm the only experiencing it as only I can.

I am a true believer in the idea that all our challenges and trials teach us something, if we are willing to learn. I can already identify the ways this tragedy has changed me. Changed my heart and my thoughts. It has made me softer. A strange word to describe someone, but very appropriate. I've not lost my razor-sharp wit or sense of humor, but it's not as cutting as it was before the accident. I've been lost in my own emotion, the pain and loss making me vulnerable and raw. So much more accepting of others. Not as cruel and heartless as before. Soft.