something's ticking

I'm not much of a "kid" person. I wasn't around kids growing up. I was the youngest, and then the only, child. I didn't babysit a whole lot (we lived out in the boonies so there really wasn't the opportunity to). Don't get me wrong, I think some babies are cute and I adore all of my friend's kids, but I'm not sure kids are for me, ya know.

However, lately I've been hearing a little ticking in my soul. I'm trying hard to ignore it, but it's growing a bit louder. Take last night for example: a good friend of mine is pregnant with her first child. I dropped off cookies and ended up staying a bit. My friend, her husband, and I, sat around for an hour tossing out baby girl names. Hilarious. And the other day our work website had a picture of some one's nephew up and he was so cute it made my ovaries ache. Add the conversation last night with a (guy) friend on what our kid would be like if we had one together, and I've started thinking.

The thought of having a child and losing my independence scares the snot out of me. Yes, I'm selfish. That's just the way it is. And I'm not sure I want to deal with the middle-of-the night feedings, dirty diapers, puke, spit-up, mess, that kids produce. I'm anally clean and that would just drive me nuts. And I'm not sure I want to bring a child into this world of chaos and no respect and no morals... My mother swears that it's different when it's your own child.

But then I hold a baby or see a cute outfit or spend time with a pregnant friend or a friend's cool kids and think that maybe, just maybe, there is some man out there who will inspire me to incubate his devil spawn in my uterus for 9 1/2 months.

I just haven't found him yet.

(I should also add that one of the main thoughts that has crossed my mind in deciding on the CR-V or the Civic is that the CR-V is going to be easier to get a car seat in and out of. Make of that what you will.)