Age 33

It's a couple days too late, but I feel the need to document all that occurred during the year I was 33 (which was my 34th year). Things such as:

• Bought my first home.


• Sustained a soft-tissue tear in my shoulder (because I am stubborn and needed to move a substantial rustic-pine armoire all on my own).


• Ended an extremely complicated friendship/relationship with a guy who meant so very much to me.


• Traveled to Utah for Halloween goodness with the Turners.


• Spent Halloween in Greer at a beautiful cabin and went horseback riding.


• Started dating again.


• Began seeing "Joe."


• Began to see a counselor.
• Started dating (again) the friend of a friend.


• Lost touch with the friend of a friend.


• Went to Disneyland!


• Did the HCG diet and lost 15 pounds before throwing in the towel.


• Broke my foot.


• The Beetle experienced a blown timing belt to the tune of $6,000.


• Was without the Beetle for one month.


• Traded in the Beetle for the Tiguan.


• Finished five more classes towards my degree.


• Took the Tiguan up to Bear Canyon Lake camping and romping (had to break it in).


• Went to Wyoming. Met a guy. A really nice one. My age. Who I have every intention of seeing again in four weeks.


• Went kayaking for the first time. By myself. (And loved it.)

So there is Lindsy-at-33 in a nutshell. It was a hard year. One filled with triumph and heartbreak and physical pain. I accomplished a lot and not all of the tasks were pleasant. I let go of someone who meant a great deal to me, stepped out of my comfort zone on several occasions, learned invaluable lessons, and essentially came out on the other end a much better person.

Two days after turning 34, I wonder what this year holds? I'm already planning on a visit to Jackson in four weeks, going to Vegas for a wedding in five, and possible SLC for Halloween. I desperately want to pierce my nose and am going for a consultation appointment next Tuesday. And maybe, just maybe, 34 will see me finally graduating with my BA.

Like New Years, my birthday is a turning point, a new beginning. On January 1st I vowed to evolve this year. To let go of insecurities and "issues" and enjoy being the woman I am. And I have. I am. I still struggle with many things but I feel more comfortable in my own skin than I have in a decade or so. I'm opening my heart up to others, including men (which is scarier than hell). All the things I fought so fiercely for the past several years are being realized: owning my own home, finishing my education, etc. It's time to determine a new path.

And that's what 34 is going to be all about.

Nothing Left to Prove

When I was about 16 years old, I decided- in typical, stubborn, Lindsy fashion- that I was never going to go from my father's house to my husband's house. I was going to make a life for myself free from support of a man; I was going to prove I could do it all on my own. To this day I cannot identify the exact reason for this goal I set. Perhaps, in my reading and real-life experience, I had seen one to many girls/woman never spread their wings and prove they could live independently and therefore succumb to being under-the-thumb of a man. As I grew older, my steadfast belief that I couldn't be whole unless I lived life on my own as confirmed in many different ways.

I'm quite certain that this resolve has made me what I am today: the good and the bad. I'm fiercely independent and, for the most part, have kept men at arms length. After a couple of bad relationships in my late teens/early twenties, I think I decided that no man was worth the hassle. And yet I continued to long for romantic companionship. But that simply wouldn't do, not with my "all on my own" attitude.

Now, standing on the cusp of turning 34, I realize that I have nothing left to prove. I am successful, educated (three classes away from my BA), I own my own home and car. Yes, I have debt but I also am no longer living paycheck to paycheck. I have proven to myself (and to anyone else who matters) that I am 100% capable of supporting myself and living life on my own terms. This is not to say that I don't have areas to improve in- I do...plenty of them- but that I no longer need to be so fiercely independent. The hard-edged wit and sarcasm and die-hard feminist in me can calm down. I can disarm myself, throw down the shield and sword, lower the drawbridge. I'm not expecting that my knight will come galloping up on a white horse, but I'm willing to be open to the possibility.

And that is a huge step for me.

Observations

I spent the better part of the last two weeks in Wyoming enjoying quiet country life, my family, and a few new experiences. I also made the following observations:

* I really, really do not like city life. As soon as I graduate, I'm gone.
* I need to practice slow dancing.
* The potential is there for kayaking and I have to have a lasting, memorable relationship.
* Grilled cheese sandwiches are my favorite.
* Denim anything beats out silk, lace, etc. in my book.
* I am a homebody.
* I attract "too young to date" guys like honey attracts bees.
* There is something about me/something I do that repels of-age, dateable men.
* I look better with my natural blonde hair color.
* I can only take so much of the Sixties on 6 before I have to pop in my earbuds and induge in my own music.
* The older I get, the more I long to live near my family and give up the rat-race and "keeping up with Joneses."

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to search for jobs in Western Wyoming.

Random Inspiration

I really dig the carnival/circus themed pillows and pouf ottoman below from Junk Gypsies. Of course, the cost is a little out of my price range...but a girl can dream.



This little vignette makes me want to bake up a storm...and deliver the goods to all my wonderful friends.

So simple and cute...why didn't I think of this?