Camping in a ghost town

This weekend I crashed a bachelor party for a good buddy who is getting married Oct. 24. He and his brothers and a couple of friends were going to Seneca lake Saturday night. On my way to his fiances bridal shower, I stopped by his place and we got to chatting. He invited me along but I didn't want to crash. Then, at 4:15PM I get a call from my friend, Kirst. Her husband was going with the boys and us two girls were invited. And they were leaving at 4:30.

So I sped home from the shower and ran around like a crazy woman for 15 minutes gathering camping gear, clothes, etc. After leaving Mesa, we had an hour and half drive to the Seneca lake turn off just before the drop in to Salt River Canyon. It had rained just before we arrived and the dirt roads were muddy and slick and it was pitch black. We passed through the reservation and back on to National Forest land and ended up making "camp" amongst a bunch of abandoned buildings. The feeling there was creepy...it truly felt like something out of The Blair Witch Project. I refused to going exploring the houses in the dark. Hey, I'm no dummy...


We settled in for the night and I ended up sleeping between the guys on a tarp we'd spread out on some relatively dry dirt. We kept hearing "sounds" from inside one house...but I'm certain it was just the house settling as the guys had just been in there exploring. (The picture is from the website listed below.)


The next morning the buildings seemed so innocent. The guys had brought "toys"- pit bikes, quads, Jeeps- and we went exploring. I was in a Jeep with no suspension or top. It was wicked fun but today I'm sunburned, sore and bruised from being thrashed about. :)

Anyway, I was curious about the buildings and looked it up on-line. You can find the story and pictures here, but it turns out that a woman had killed her husband in one of the houses. Nice. Leave it us to camp in a "ghost town."

Some pictures of the trip:

A thousand days

It's been a thousand days since LW passed away. A thousand days seems like a long time yet in so many ways it feels like just yesterday. I can recall the heartache so clearly at times that it makes me catch my breath. Not one of those thousand days has passed without me thinking about him. About his smile and his laugh. About the way he would come up behind me and put his arms around me in the mornings when I was making hot chocolate. About the way he would spontaneously pull me into an empty office at work and dance with me. About how he adored me and about how reluctant I was to get involved with someone so much younger whom I also worked with. About how I had meant to be with him the night he was in the accident but got wrapped up at work. About how I always told him to wear a helmet and that night he wasn't.

A million what-ifs and should-have-beens run through my mind. But, despite my doubts and longings, I've found peace with his passing. I've found peace in knowing that he has gone to a better place; that he is happier than he could have been here. I've found peace in the moments when I still feel him wrap his arms around me.

Me...on a t-shirt

They got it right. Including the year I was born.

Bootheel Trading Co.

I'm a big Sheryl Crow fan. Have been for years. After LW passed away, I listened to her Wildflowers album constantly. Her story has always been a source of fascination and inspiration for me, from her roots as school teacher to the controversy surrounding Tuesday Night Music Club to her romances with high-profile men such as Eric Clapton and Lance Armstrong to her battle with cancer. The fact that she now lives on a farm in Tennessee and is raising an adopted baby boy is all the more intriguing.

Now Sheryl has a new line of fashion available at Dillard's. Bootheel Trading Co., dubbed as "a unique blend of vintage American Rock 'n' Roll chic and authentic denim styles", is small but promising, at least in my humble opinion. In fact, I've already purchased a vest from the collection. It's super cute (yes, I just used the words 'super' and 'cute' in a sentence-together), in my opinion, and Eco-friendly. I adore Sheryl's laid-back, vintage-y, American-country-meets-rock-n-roll style!

The Sound of Rain

Being the bibliophile that I am, many of my book selections have been made based on the cover of a book. I know, I know..."you can't judge a book by it's cover." That's true...sometimes.

Well, the cover of this book beckoned me from the shelf. And then, when I got it home, it insisted I read it instead of my social psychology text book. So I did. I finished yesterday morning, in my pajamas, in bed, sobbing. The book reminded me so much of the loss of my brother that, for a moment, all the old feelings came rushing back. Including an anger I don't recall having before. An anger that I was robbed of the only sibling I had. That a life so full of promise was cut so tragically short.

Then, I relaxed and remembered what I truly believe about death and life after this. And it was all okay again. Well, as okay as it will ever get.

Fall Favorites

Every since I was a girl, I've loved fall. I looked forward to buying new school clothes and supplies. I anxiously awaited the beginning of a new school year. I loved the turning of the season- the crisp morning air, the wild array of colored leaves, the promise of Halloween.

As I've grown older, I've clung to my love of fall despite living in Arizona where we don't really have the season Fall (or any other season besides hot and hotter). I love anything that has pumpkin in it. I love spiced cider candles. I love hoodies and sweaters and boots. There is something in my soul that craves that turning of the season.

This weekend I broke out my Fall/Halloween decor and am all set for the season. In celebration, I thought I'd share a few of my fall favorites. Here we go:

Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin by Bath and Body Works

Mulled Cider candles by Gold Canyon

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies

Now I'm hungry...

Price of iPods

Due to popular request, here are the prices on the iPods. :)

Nano- $75 SOLD
Video iPod- $150

Veronica Mars

I miss Veronica Mars. Actually, I never watched the series while it was on the air, but I lament the fact there will never be any new VM episodes. Thankfully, I have all three seasons on DVD. And I watch them over and over and over again.

The point of today's post? If you haven't seen Veronica Mars, rent season 1. I guarantee you'll be hooked. And start quoting her. Sorry, that's unavoidable.

iPods For Sale- Part Deux

Pictures of the iPods I have for sale.

5th Generation Video iPod- 30GB- White

2nd Generation Nano iPod- 8GB- Black

iPods For Sale

I have decided I MUST HAVE the iPod Touch. However, that would bring me to owning four (4) iPods and I can't justify that. So, I've decided to sell two of my iPods: the 30g Video Classic and the 8g Nano classic. Both are in excellent working condition with only minor wear and tear. I'll even throw in iPod earbuds (new of course) and a sleeve/case for each. If you know of anyone who wants to purchase a previously loved and worshiped iPod, send them my way!

Like peanut butter & jelly

A while ago, a friend described me and my iPod(s) as going together like peanut butter & jelly. I'd have to concur with this conclusion. For example, I've made the monumental decision to finally tell a certain someone how I feel. After I made the decision to do it, I instantly felt better. All the confusion and doubt and angst of the past several months just melted away.

As I was driving into work this morning, I began to doubt my decision. Until I turned on my iPod and it began to play random songs that totally 'hit the spot', such as:

Say by John Mayer

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say

Before It's Too Late by the Goo Goo Dolls

Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives

and the risk that might break you
Is the one that would save
A life you don't live is still lost
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real 'til it's gone

So live like you mean it
Love 'til you feel it
It's all that we need in our lives

and the best one:

Defying Gravity from the musical Wicked

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes
And leap...

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you can't pull me down

I'm through accepting limits
Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

It's kind of freaky how well my iPod knows me.

Newport Beach Temple

Newport Beach is one of my top three favorite temples. Erin and I went to the open house in 2005 and had a wonderful weekend. Though it is one of the smaller LDS temples, I think it is definitely one of the most beautiful. I found this amazing picture and had to share. Unfortunately, I don't know where the picture came from but it's definitely not mine.

Sweet Hunter

This past Sunday, Hunter was blessed. It was a beautiful blessing and Hunter looked adorable in his father's blessing gown. Erin was kind enough to snap this picture with me and the object of my undying affection.

Introspection

As a general rule I try to avoid deep, introspective analysis here. After all, this is cyberspace and who knows what freaks may be perusing my blog looking for fodder for their devious schemes? However, in this case, I’m making the expectation.

Have you ever wanted something (actually, someone) so much that you couldn’t focus on anything else? Did that person consume your thoughts and time so completely that you began to wish them away? That’s where I am now. And, as much as I care for this person, I want this all to end. Fish or cut bait, to put it bluntly. Stop playing with my emotions. Stop sending me mixed signals. Figure out what you want and then tell me. Because I’ll be damned if I let this continue forever.

And then, I wonder to myself, do I really want him or do I just want him because I’ve cared for him so long that it just seems ‘natural’ to feel this way. A moments like this, I can easily surmise that my feelings fall in the latter category. I can make endless justifications as to why “we” don’t make sense; as to why “we” could never work. And then a look or a touch or a funny moment will occur and all those justifications fly out the proverbial window.

How have I let it come to this? I am not a girl who easily gets wrapped up in things like this. At least, I don’t think so. Normally I have a pretty good head on my shoulders. I think with my head and my heart. I trust my instincts. But I feel as if my instincts have betrayed me; they are muddied. I can’t make heads or tails of much right now. In a sense I feel hallow and empty, adrift on a sea of maddening emotional upheaval (and dramatic prose- obviously).

How easy it would, and should, be to tell him how I feel and ask him what he feels for me. There is an enormous risk involved, yes. But I am, by nature, a risk-taker. At least when it comes to things other than my heart. I can dive off cliffs and jump from several stories with nothing but a cord to break my fall. I can carve out a life of my own hundreds of miles away from any family. But I can’t utter a simple sentence to a man I care deeply about. What is with that? How can I be so adventurous in some things and such a terrible coward in others?

Why can’t he just know how I feel and tell me how he feels in return? There will be no hurt…I’ve already assumed the worst and experienced the heartache that comes with it. It can’t get any worse than that with exception he turns out to be a complete jerk and is flippant and disrespectful of my feelings. But I truly don't think he would treat this situation in such a manner.

Please forgive my brief foray into introspection. I promise that tomorrow's post will be more of the inane, superficial fluff I usually post.

My TiVo thinks I'm...

...a surfer/beach chick. I was cleaning out my queue of recorded programs and they were all beach/surf/ocean related. Not that I'm complaining...I really want to live near the ocean and wear breezy skirts and have my hair constantly in a twist or pony because it's cool. However, I live in the desert and if I were to wear my hair in a pony at work someone would say something. Well, at least they would after the fifth day or so.

But I digress. Back to TiVo.

It's been recording Summerland on N. I never caught this series when it was on four years ago (it only ran two seasons) but I kinda like it. Or, rather, I like the clothes the characters wear. I like the surfing. I LOVE the house...and the fact that it's right on the beach (seriously, you need to see the house).

Alas, I need to remind my TiVo that I'm a desert-dwelling, liberal studies undergrad who is afraid of open water. And TiVo will just stare at me while those crazy antenna-ears wobble to and fro.

9021-rut rOH

I have to confess I'm going to watch this. I was addicted to 90210 back in the day...just ask my father who would often be held responsible for recording my Wednesday night obsession when I wasn't home...no small feat for a man who didn't understand VCRs. My favorite was Kelly and I'm glad to see her come back, even if she is a single mom working as a teacher at West Bev (I mean, what the heck happened to Dylan and her awesome PR job?).