dream house

I was linked to this image on Flickr by a friend and I haven't been able to stop looking at it since. I love this house- it has incredible potential. When I look at it I think of magic and old books and horse-drawn carriages. I also imagine how, if this were my home, I would decorate it (I think I missed my calling as an interior decorator or set designer).

There is something hauntingly beautiful about this home- you just know it has secrets to tell. I wouldn't even be surprised if it had a spectral resident or two. Can't you just picture it with jack-o-lanterns and cornstalks lining the porch at Halloween and the glow of Christmas tree lights through the front cupola in December? How amazing would it be to sit on a stack of pillows in the conservatory and watch a thunderstorm roll in? This house is definitely the stuff daydreams are made of.

The Strangers

Have you seen the previews for this movie? Dang! The trailers alone scare the snot out of me. And yet I will see the movie this weekend. What is it about the human psyche that wants to scare itself silly?

simplicity.

I'm certain this isn't the first time I've ruminated on the subject of simplicity nor will it be the last. I've never been one to pursue the high-life and by that I mean the following: I have no desire to be a billionaire; no desire to be a CEO; no desire for great wealth and celebrity. That's not me. Sure, I wouldn't mind having enough money to have to not worry about it, but that will likely never happen.

In moments of honest introspection, I see myself in such a simple light. I want to live in the country, far removed from the rat race and the "keeping up with the Jones'" mentality. I want a family I can nurture. I want to write and have that writing published. I want to surround myself with love and laughter and books and a good day's work. And even as I write this I realize that I do surround myself with such things but not exactly in the way I imagine. I live in a one-bedroom apartment in the city. I'm single and childless. I have no one to come home to and share the day's frustrations and successes with. I have no one to cook for; no one to take care of. Some days I recognize this for the blessing it is: to be able to go where I want, when I want and do what I want. Other days I feel as if there is so much inside of me that is yearning to be given away.

Maybe the title of this post should have been loneliness.

Although I am not lonely. I have amazing friends who love me and make me happy. My parents are also pretty darn amazing. I have my career and my schooling and my hobbies and sports. But there is a hole that I believe only a husband and children can fill. Now, for all those who believe that 'we don't need a man to complete us', I agree. To an extent. I believe women can and should live their lives for themselves. Learn and experience and grow. Don't wait for a man to 'rescue' you. I'm not. I'm getting on with gettin' on. But I also recognize a very fundamental and natural desire to marry and have a family. Love is the greastest gift we have been given and I truly believe that, in the end, love is all that really matters.

So what does all this rambling mean? I'm not sure. Maybe it means that, for today, I'm a little tired of the status quo. Maybe it means that I need to work harder to bring my ideal life in concert with my acutal life. Maybe it means that I need to ignore what the world says I should want, what the world says I should be, and focus on what my true desires are.

And then maybe, just maybe, I can find a way to let go and become.

Marking years

Some people mark their children's lives by showcasing pictures from each school year on a wall. "Oh, look at Timmy in first grade. Wasn't he a doll?" or "My, my, my...look at what a beauty Sally grew to be as a sophomore."

Those pictures don't exist in my parent's home. Well, except for the framed picture I gave them of my in my cap and gown (kinda amazed I made it that far.). No, these are the kind of pictures that mark the passage of my childhood:

And birthdays were noted by where we were: "Remember the year we spent my birthday in Pocatello?" or "I got the Huggin's for my birthday the year we were at Wyoming Downs."

I definitely don't miss having a school-picture timeline of my life...this method is much more more honest- it's who we are and how we've lived our lives. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Cool things I've done

Sometimes I get to thinking about all the amazing things I've been able to do and see during my lifetime and it occur ed to me today that I should make a list. That way, when I'm feeling down on myself I can look back and see all I've done.

• Stood at the top of the Eiffel Tour
• Toured Dachau and had my faith shaken and strengthened
• Excavated ancient Anasazi ruins
• Been mugged on the Metro in Paris
• Seen the Mona Lisa and Venus de Milo with my own two eyes
• Toured castles in Europe
• Prayed inside an ancient Catholic church on a German country hillside
• Seen the Olympic Torch
• Had my picture taken with Jim Morrison's headstone

To be continued...

The new man in my life

I simply cannot get enough of this little man. Whenever I'm with him I have to hold him...I can't just 'let him be.' Last night Hunter and I sat on the couch and watched Ax Men. Well, I watched Ax Men while Hunter dozed contentedly on my chest. It's a wonderful, amazing feeling having a newborn suggled up on your chest sleeping.

what is WRONG with me?!?!?

This weekend, despite my goal to be a slouthful, indulgent diva, I ended up making homemade vegetable stew, orange-cranberry bread and lemon pudding cake. I've no idea what got into me.

a sea of randomness

My thoughts are all over the place lately so why shouldn't today's post be the same? I give you my random thoughts and findings of the week.

* I love cupcakes. I love that they are becoming so vogue. I love that little shops are sprouting up all over the country strictly devoted to these delightful little yummies.

Sprinkles Cupcakes (just opened in Scottsdale)

* Speaking of cupcakes, I found these adorable little things on the Cupcakes Take the Cake blog. I love the Twilight series and these are definitely going to be duplicated for our Breaking Dawn party.

* And speaking of Stephenie Meyer, who penned the Twilight series, her new book, The Host, is sitting on my coffee table waiting for me to dive into it. All 624 pages of it.

* I'm always on the look-out for unique ideas to use in my events. I linked to Rebecca Thuss' site via another blog and found mountains of inspiration...many ideas were ones that I had torn out of Martha Stewart Wedding's myself. This is my new favorite:

*I can't wait for this book from Country Living to be released. I adore the cover and the colors of fabrics.

* I've been whiling away my time lately dreaming of my future home. And decorating it. And planning the parties I will have there.

* I have a HUGE stack of books to get through before Summer I starts on Jun. 2.

* I love this picture...

The Farm Chicks

girl's got gear

Last night, after an hour stint at the gym working out the days aggravation, I deemed it appropriate to tackle the corner of my living room that has been the "catch-all" the past month. The treasures I found include:

• A wakeboarding vest
• Set of golf clubs
• Headlamp
• Two pairs of boardshorts
• Pocket knife
• Oakley goggles
• Sleeping bag
• Camp chair
• Tent
• Wakeboarding gear bag
• Hiking shoes
• Thermal shirt (I have NO idea how that got in the pile)
• Carhartt leather gloves

And the piece de resistance...

• A half-consumed bag of Trader Joe's trail mix...SCORE