him & I

A few months ago, I did something I should have done a year ago but was too chicken to do. For a while, after this momentous achievement, my relationship with a certain someone seemed to be forever altered. Ruined, even. The silence spoke volumes. I would have preferred words; an acknowledgement of the confession of my feelings, even if his weren't the same. But silence was all I received.

Gradually, life began to return to normal. Weeks went by and our first contact was awkward but we moved past it. Things began to feel like before, with maybe just a slight edge. This past month or so, our friendship has seemed stronger than ever before.

But I'm still confused. And hurt. The more I dwell on our collective past, the more I realize that he should have had the respect and decency to address my feelings. Did he think I was going to try and convince him we belong to together? Did he think I would end it all if he didn't feel the same way? If so, then he really doesn't know me at all. I would never force or coerce someone into something they didn't want. And I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me.

After seeing the guy for four days in a row, I'm convinced there is some point to our relationship. I'm not saying we are destined for a romantic path. If anything, I think that ship has sailed. But perhaps I'm meant to influence him in some small way. Or vice versa.

Whatever the ultimate purpose and destiny of our relationship, there are moments, such as now, when I wish that purpose would be fulfilled and I could move on. Because, truth be told, as long as he is single and in my life, he will be the "guy" in my life. That is very hard to explain because my romantic feelings for him have cooled so greatly, but it's true. I sometimes wonder if we are so comfortable with one another that "moving on" is a bit scary. Do you even move on from a friendship like ours? My mom said that maybe we are "soul mates" in the way that I am soul mates with some of my closest friends. And maybe we are. I know we are not romantic soul mates, but perhaps there is something each of us needs to learn from the other.

Even if it is only him learning to open my car door.

*Picture from photobucket.com.

I've Been Framed!

On a whim, I drove by the house late Friday night and was surprised to see that it's framed! I was so excited I had to drive back by on Saturday and take a couple of pictures. It's hard to believe that I'm still about three months out of move-in. Geesh! What's taking them so long? :)

I also found a great buy on a vanity stool at Home Goods Friday. I needed one for the vanity in the master bath and this was perfect. The top lifts off for storage space- perfect to stash all my curling irons (yes, I have multiple curling irons). The only thing I'll need to do is recover the seat...easy since that will be my mom's project when she comes to visit. :) (She's actually going to recover an antique wing-back chair and make me curtains.) I also picked up, for only $7, an adorable vanity tray for my perfumes. Things are definitely coming along.

It's Friday

And a three-day weekend. This week, that's a HUGE thing. Reasons for me to be happy:

• My nails are this close to being grown out after taking off the gel nails. Thank goodness...I've had just about all I can take of tearing nails.


• I've now been with the Foundation for four wonderful years (truly) and received a movie gift card as a token of appreciation. It totally rocks.


• Things with the house have finally reached the point where they will be on autopilot for the next couple of months. The loan is underwritten, the paperwork signed, the options picked out. Whew!!


• I have a weekend full of fun activities planned with my various crazy, loveable friends. Have I mentioned lately that I love ALL my friends? They totally make my life worth living. I believe, the older we get, we end up "choosing" our family. They are the family I have chosen and I couldn't be happier with my choice.


• I pre-ordered a couple of items on Amazon: The Twilight Journals, The Dawn Patrol, and Carpe Corpus, book 6 of The Morganville Vampires series.

I hope ya'll have a wonderful and safe holiday weekend!

Twilight Paraody

This rocks. Enjoy.

My Stove

One of my three big splurges in the new place was the Whirlpool stove. Ceramic glass cooktop (with warming burner), expanded oven capacity, steam clean option, hidden bake element...the list goes on and on. I'm going to be in baking heaven.

Where it ended up

With these cupboards, this carpet, tile and counter tops. And black appliances. And an upgraded stove. And upgraded master bathtub. Yep, I got a little decadent. All for the cost of sacrificing two In N Out meals a month.

Life or Something Like It

Yes, Nikki, I'm old-school with the movies I like. For example, this one came out in 2002. Life or Something Like It with Ed Burns and Angelina Jolie. A very cute movie with an unlikely pair for a romantic comedy. This movie has one of the top five best love scenes ever. And it's clean! So there you have it, my movie recommendation for this week.

Better 1 or better 2?

Picking out the design elements of the new house was one of the singular most stressful things I have done to date. And that's saying something. It was fun but, good hell, how many choices can you give a girl? I'm feeling pretty good about most of my choices (or the modifications I've made to those choices in the last 48 hours) but I'm still on the fence about my carpet, white vs. black appliances and my light fixtures. So, help me decide.



This one


or this one?

What would look best with my tile, carpet and cabinets? White or black appliances?


These are the door knobs I choose...antique bronze. Love them.

These are my cabinets (throughout the entire house). I also went with the raised vanity and open counter.

My mother

I have the most amazing mother in the world. Sure, other kids may say this, but my mom really is the best.

When we were kids, mom was very involved in the PTA and would help with class parties and fundraisers and, my favorite, book fairs. She would make us awesome Halloween costumes and take us swimming to the country club and take us to McDonald's.

When my brother passed away, our relationship went through a very difficult time. In trying to deal with the death of her first-born and only son, mom shut out my father and I. She didn't do it intentionally and she wasn't mean, she was simply unavailable. Looking back now, I can understand better what she was going through. And, eventually, she and I grew closer.

Now I can easily say that my mother is one of my best friends. She is also the only one on the planet who can drive me absolutely crazy; and I'm sure that street runs both ways. Mom is also an inspiration to me- she has dealt with so much in her life and she's still ticking. She's sacrificed so much for me and given so freely of her love that it amazes me. I owe so much of who I am to her.

I love you, mom. Happy Mother's Day.

Appliance Envy

I've always be an "purist" when it comes to home appliances: freezer-on-top refrigerators, combined oven/range, top-loading washers. However, I find myself seriously in lust with this washer/dryer set from Frigidaire. And it's Glacier Blue. How can I resist?

But I don't want a white kitchen...

I have my first appointment at the home design center this coming Saturday. This will be a day in which I commit to the color of my walls, cabinets, my carpet and all the other odds and ends for eternity. Okay, maybe not eternity, but at least until I sell the house. I am a basket case. It's too much pressure!! I like things simple. Easy. Uncomplicated. And I'm allergic to commitment. Not a good combination for dating and certainly not for picking out home details.

Another thing that scares me? I'm drawn to white kitchens. But I don't want a white kitchen. Too hard to keep pristine. And, again, too much pressure. So I am trying to decide what colors to go for. I'd love to do dark brown floors, taupe walls and a dark-ish cabinet that looks good with both. But what? And, will the dark colors make me house/condo/townhouse feel too small? What if I don't like them once they are all in? And why in the world do I have to pay extra for the cabinet above my fridge???

On a happier note, the de-junking process is moving along quite nicely. I have thrown out three lawn bags full of junk and have another two, along with three boxes, to go to Goodwill/DI/wherever. I'm amazed at the junk I've kept. This weekend I enjoyed a solid hour of listening to old mix cassette tapes I've kept for years, including those that were recorded off the radio. Those of you who even know what cassette tapes will know the ones I mean: you like a song, you tune your boom box to the station that plays it and record hours of music and commercials just to get that one song...and the DJ usually talks over the beginning anyway. Man, kids today don't know how good they have it. Don't even get my started about 8-tracks...

No More Teachers, No More Books

Until June 8th, at least. Spring semester is over! Finished! Done with! Whew...that seemed like a long- a*# semester. And if life was fair, I would be sitting in that hammock in the picture above, sipping a virgin drink with an umbrella while some cabana boy named Marco fans me with palm frawns.

I now have five weeks of total freedom until Summer I starts. I have a stack of books that I've been wanting to read and will now use all my free time to do so. When I'm not cleaning out the apartment in preparation for the move. But, hey, I can just throw everything out and start fresh, right?

This weekend is another three-dayer (thanks, furlough) and I've got big plans:

1. Sleep in late. Each day. Even if I miss church. (Okay, probably won't miss church, but the thought is definitely appealing).


2. Costa Vida and X-Men Origins tomorrow night.


3. CLEAN my apartment. It's scary. Partly because I hate to put away laundry and partly because I've been "de-junking" and have piles everywhere.


4. As a sub-item to #3: clean out my closet. I cannot move in there right now. And I can't put away clothes, even if I felt the slightest inclination to do so. Which I don't. See #3.


5. Go take pictures of new house. The foundation has been laid, I'm told. Whoopee.


6. Monday will be spent browsing Barnes & Noble, eating Paradise Bakery and maybe taking in another movie. Because I deserve it.

Oh, and if you see Marco, send him my way.