My Word for 2009

Today on her blog, Ali Edwards encouraged her readers to pick one word to be their word in 2009.

I love words so I jumped on this. But I had trouble deciding what my word should be. Should it be "begin" because I've realized there is much in my life that I've been waiting to start? Should it be "endure" because sometimes that's all I can do? Maybe "give" because I desperately want to share my love and myself with someone. Or perhaps my word should be "embrace" to remind me to embrace all that comes my way.

In the end, I settled on a word that I never would have thought of without a song (yeah, yeah, I know...using song titles again). Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. I love this song. I love the optimism. "Live your life with arms wide open" and "We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but that I can't live that way" and "Drench yourself in words unspoken." What's not to love?

Therefore, my 2009 word is Unwritten. And when I think about it, the words to the song will play in my mind and I'll remember to be more open, to risk my heart more, to reach for the stars and begin living my dreams.

Happy New Year- may 2009 bring you peace, happiness, success and joy.

Three Years

Three years ago, my world fell apart. I've re-built my world but it will never be the same. And, to be honest, the tragedy that struck then has been a miracle for me, in many unexpected ways. That's not to say that I don't wish I could change things, it's merely accepting that I cannot change what happened and that I learned to take the good with the bad, cowgirl-up, and soldier on.

Today I was revisiting old journal and blog entries and I came across something that has given me a great deal of peace:

And then it came to me. I would own my grief. The prominent emotion of the past several weeks. The pain and sorrow I feel is so intimately mine. I feel it in a way that no one else possibly could. My frame of reference is different from everyone else's. So is my heart. The grief is mine and mine alone. I know I'm not the only one grieving, but I'm the only experiencing it as only I can. I am a true believer in the idea that all our challenges and trials teach us something, if we are willing to learn.

I can already identify the ways this tragedy has changed me. Changed my heart and my thoughts. It has made me softer. A strange word to describe someone, but very appropriate. I've not lost my razor-sharp wit or sense of humor, but it's not as cutting as it was before the accident. I've been lost in my own emotion, the pain and loss making me vulnerable and raw. So much more accepting of others. Not as cruel and heartless as before. Soft.

Tales of Beedle the Bard

This is what I asked Santa for and didn't get. Tales of Beedle the Bard Collector's Edition. I really, REALLY wanted this book. I dreamed about it. I visited it daily at Amazon. And I was upset when it wasn't under the tree.

So, in true Lindsy fashion, I started a hunt for it. Volumes are going for $200-$300 on eBay. Can't pay that. But, as luck would have it, I was in the right place at the right time. A used copy came up for sale at $90 on Amazon yesterday. Apparently someone had bought the book and it was received slightly damaged (a spot on the cover of the false book, a small tear on a page) and returned it for a new copy. I snatched up that book so fast it made even my head spin. The best part is that, if I receive the book and it's totally ruined, I can return it for a full refund to Amazon. Granted, I know the book isn't in collectible condition, but I truly just want the collector's edition for my personal Harry Potter collection.

We shall see how this ends.

Mid-holiday randomness

• I am back to work, for two and half days, before I have another mini-vacation (four days off-woot).
• I froze in Utah. Really. I would lay in bed at night with four quilts on top of me and just shake.
• I love my family. We had a wonderful holiday with just us. I don't think I've laughed so hard in a long time.
• I got an A- and a B- this semester. That interrupted my holiday cheer.
• I received wonderful holiday gifts expect for the thing I wanted to most. Now, I know the holiday is about so much more than presents, but I really, REALLY wanted this one thing. I had been asking for it since July. I was sure I was going to get it so I didn't buy it. The book is now out of print and going for hundreds of dollars on e-Bay. And yes, I cried a little (in the shower so my parents wouldn't hear me) when I didn't get it. I blame that bad reaction on the B- (see above).
• I wasn't off the plane on Saturday for more than an hour before I was out in the desert burning stuff. And having the sheriff called on us. Boo.
• I'm going camping this weekend at Four Peaks and it is going to be a wicked good time.
• We already have 89 Christmas trees for our annual tree-burning party in February.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

I'm home. My mother's house is a Christmas wonder land. We have a kitchen full of homecooking. The news is tracking Santa's path. And it's snowing.

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Wintersong

I absolutely love this song.

The Perfectionist In Me

I started feeling a little under the weather last night which simply will not do with my upcoming travel, Christmas, family visit, etc. So I stopped in to Target on the way to work and bought Zicam. As I started popping it like candy, a co-worker stopped by my desk and mentioned that I've been sick quite a bit lately. True. She also said that she'd read that one reason people get sick is because of busy/cluttered minds and the desire to have everything perfect.

That's me. Between work and school and life, I'm a pretty busy person. And my mind will sometimes refuse to shut off. I also have a desire to make everything around me lovely: I want my Sunday dinners to make my friends feel loved and taken care of; I want to do small things for my loved ones to let them know they are cherished; I want to make my home a haven. But perhaps in this desire I'm mis-focusing my energy. Not that these are not worthy pursuits, but maybe everything doesn't have to be absolutely perfect. My cookies don't always have to be homemade, my cards don't have to be all handmade, and I can certainly have a less-than-immaculate house.

And, while I'm on a roll, I don't have to get straight As. This semester I pulled an A- and probably a B-; it was a tough semester. I went from a 4.3 to a 3.8...and I'm upset about it. Now I'm doubting my ability to get into grad school with a 3.8. Really? Who am I kidding? A 3.8 is still amazing.

I'm not perfect and I don't have to be. And maybe, just maybe, in 2009 I will realize that and let go of some of my insane expectations for myself and others. And for life in general.

When Fat Jeans Don't Fit

Or "The Life of Lindsy"
Or "Repercussions of Holiday Gluttony"

Last night, I changed from my work clothes into my jeans prior to meeting a girlfriend for dinner. Now, it has to be said that I usually wear my jeans 3-4 times before washing them. I know this disgusts some people but I'm a pretty clean person and I love the way jeans fit on the second wearing.

However, last night my jeans were freshly laundered. And I had been eating the left-overs from my ham, mashed potato and green bean casserole dinner for a couple of days. And I've been to two or five holiday parties and partook of sugary, creamy, fatty goodness. Therefore, when I put on my pants last night, they were a bit, er, snug. Totally sucked. And these were my "fat" jeans. Every woman has a pair of these in her closet for when she just can't tolerate the regular jeans.

Needless to say, I had an orange and granola bar for breakfast and will be having salads at my two holiday events today.

But, stuffed mushrooms-spinach dip-chicken kabobs-pasta-bread-cupcakes-tiramisu? Totally worth it.

My Goals for 2009

* Move to a tropical island

* Grow dreds

* Live in a grass hut

* Teach the natives how to read

* Hook up with a sailor/scuba instructor/pirate

BELIEVE

I bet you thought this was going to be a post about Santa, huh?

I find myself oddly enchanted with Criss Angel. Many think he's evil, and, in some aspects he probably is. But the stuff he can do is freakin' amazing. Now he's teamed with Cirque du Soleil and has a new show in Vegas: BELIEVE. (Notice how LIE is bold in all the promotional material?) Kinda I want to see it.

O Christmas Tree

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my mother's Christmas tree. (Well, it's my father's as well but I'm sure he didn't have a whole lot of say in it's decoration. He cut it down in the forest- that's pretty much the extent of his part.)

I'm just sayin'...

If I was ever going to walk away from my job, today would be the day.

PSA for the day

There were other vampires before Edward!

Let it snow...

* I got an A+ on my social psychology final. Which means I earned an A in the class. Yay.

* I ABSOLUTELY HATE when a series of books is published in one binding or the other (hardback or softback) and then switches mid-way through the series! I am a collector of book and it really does not fit my agenda to have a series of softback books until volume 5 when the published decided the series was gaining in popularity and figured they could get away with a hardback binding and charge more. DOOOOM to the publishing industry on this point.

* Am I the only one who thinks that Christmas has totally jumped the shark? Whatever happened to simplicity and thrift and good old-fashioned Christmas memories?

* If you are weak-stomached, stop reading now. Over Thanksgiving, I was hunting Christmas trees with family and was bored in the back of the Jeep. To alleviate said boredom, I re-pierced the second hold in my left ear. It hurt a bit. Now, when I squeeze the hole between my fingers, I can hear the tissue smooshing. It's very cool. Gross, but cool.

Now, to make me happy, I've pilfered pictures from other blogs/websites/etc. of houses I wouldn't mind spending Christmas (and the rest of the year) in. Enjoy.

ElfYourself

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Something to look forward to

It just occurred to me that perhaps one reason I'm so "blah" lately is that I don't have much to look forward to. This time last year, my life was brimming with anticipation. My best friend was expecting her long awaited miracle-baby, Hunter; I had reservations for 4 days, 3 nights at the Grand Californian in Disneyland in January; a good friend I hadn't seen for almost two years was coming home soon; I was seriously thinking about going on a study-abroad program to Florence, Italy for six weeks; I had lost 15 pounds and was well on my way to losing the rest; I had a cute guy in my life who was sweet on me.

Fast forward a year and, well, nothing.

Welcome to Morganville

I've discovered another little gem of YA vampire fiction: The Morganville Vampires series by Rachel Caine. I found the first book, Glass Houses, while surfing Amazon and immediately requested it from the library. I picked the book up the day before Thanksgiving and had it finished by the time I landed in Vegas. Great, quick read. I like that the author isn't afraid of putting her characters through hell. And it's not always a happy ending; another plus in my book. Yes, it's YA fiction. Yes, the main character is 16. But she's brilliant, in her first semester of college, and extremely likable.

Two items of caution:

1) Save yourself the wait and order all four books at one time from Amazon, buy them from your bookstore or check them out of the library...TOGETHER. Trust me, you'll thank me because...

2) The books are incredibly addicting and hard to put down. Yes, they are a quick, easy read. But if you are supposed to be doing other things, like, perhaps, studying for a social psychology final, writing a 10 page essay on Native Americans or working out, these books aren't such a good thing.

Skipping Christmas

If I could, I would skip Christmas this year. I don't know if it's because Thanksgiving was so late or because I'm going to my parent's house a week earlier than usual. Either way, I'm not really in the Christmas mood. AT ALL. I have no decorations up. I'm not sending Christmas cards. I don't want to make Christmas dinner for my crazy crew of friends. I have no desire to listen to Christmas music. Nothing.

And because I don't want to do any of this, I'm not. I'm going to make this the most boring, uneventful Christmas ever. Because I want to. Because I can.

A Bibliophile Christmas

I Miss You

Going softly into that goodnight

Three voices (and an alternate) that I would love to have sing me to sleep each night:

Brandon Boyd of Incubus

Jason Wade of Lifehouse

John Rzeznik of the Goo Goo Dolls

Chad Kroeger of Nickelback (I go back and forth on this one. Some days I love his voice. Other days, not so much.)

Happy December

I can hardly believe it's already December 1st. Man, where does the time go?

A brief recap of my Thanksgiving weekend:

• Flying was amazing easy this year, probably due the economy. It was still busy, but not as bad as I've seen it.
• There is something about the pilot announcing "Flight attendants take your seats immediately" 15 minutes after take-off that lets you know it's going to be a bumpy ride.
• Twilight is just as bad the second time, but now my mother wants "Alice hair." We even printed out a picture of Alice for her to take to her stylist.
• I did very little to help on Thanksgiving. I feel bad about it now.
• I went shopping at 5:30AM on Black Friday.
• Flying with food poisoning is NOT fun.
• I was a horrible, awful witch all weekend. I have no idea why, I just was. Sorry mom and dad.

But, today is the beginning of a new month and I am bound and determined to be a little kinder this holiday season. And maybe, just maybe, I'll receive the Christmas miracle I dream about.