The Crying Game

I lost it last night. I was sitting on the couch, watching season 1 of Gilmore Girls, eating candy corn and I just lost it. In my defense I'm cranky and irritable and in pain. So, I just threw a candy corn at the TV (seriously) and started sobbing. I couldn't really even say why I was crying. Maybe because I've had to do the entire move myself. Maybe because nothing really went as planned. Maybe because everything just seems so overwhelming. Maybe because Lorelai got back together with Max when she belongs with Luke. Who knows why.

After my hysterical crying jag, I went to bed and had crazy dreams about a boy in a far away land (Washington). I woke up this morning still in pain but in an oddly humorous mood. Because, really, who could not smile at a dream where you use a boy who sometimes frustrates you to no end as zombie bait?

Johnny Appleseed

Okay, forget Johnny Appleseed. Give me "caramel-covered, nut-rolled, appley-goodness" Seed. Whatever. Let's see if you can come up with a witty line after feasting your eyes on all the Halloween tasties at Williams Sonoma.

Fall 2002

This is an image from the fall 2002 Pottery Barn catalog. Yes, I've kept the entire catalog for 9 years, hoping that one day, fate would be kind and bestow upon me a home to decorate. The planets have aligned, the angels have sung, and I do have a home to decorate. A home that, while big on space, is short on character. I know it takes time to make a house feel like a home. But it still doesn't feel like me.

My recent acquisition of the PB catalog set me to thinking about that long-ago fall when PB published an entire catalog dedicated to "American Country." Short on frills, lace, and floral-prints, the catalog was long on leather, denim, and the "lived-in" look. Just my style. As I browsed through this gem of glossy goodness last night, I realized that the decorating avenue I was pursuing in the front room deviated greatly from my ideal. So, I've decided to break out the denim and cowhide (faux, mind you) pillows, the shearling throw and the rustic frames. I have the brown couch (in micro-fiber, not leather) and will make pillows to match that striped chair. My rustic pine furniture will go nicely with the "American Country" theme.

Because, at the end of the day, I'm still a country girl at heart.

well, would you look at that?

I received the current Pottery Barn catalog in the mail last night, along with a 10% off my entire purchase coupon (oh my!). The exciting part? I found items I have been lusting after at Anthropologie in PB's catalog. For a fraction of the cost. Such as:

The globe on the left (black) is from PB for $29. The globe on the right is from Anthro going for $298. Granted I like the stand on the Anthro globe better, but not $269 better. Plus, the PB globe is actually labeled.

Another example: the Calhoun pendant from PB (left) is $149 while the Mariner's Globe pendant from Anthro is $398. And yes, PB carries the filament bulb ($9) to complete the vintage look.

Other tasty tidbits from PB:

Metal Letter Bin...just think of the possibilities!

Found Dough Bowl...a little expensive and not quite as rustic as I'd like, but if I can't find one I want this weekend in Phoenix, I just might settle for one of these.

Found Mini Stool

But, hey, even though some items might be cheaper at PB, you still need to check out Anthro's website to see all their cool decorating ideas. Man, that Rebecca Purcell is a genius!

status updates

lindsy...

desperately wishes she could sleep through the night.

wishes she would stop dreaming, and day dreaming, about a certain someone.

needs to lose 15 pounds STAT so she can fit into her clothes.

cannot understand why she is so incredibly short-tempered as of late.

loves that she has a room she can scrapbook/card make in.

went through two bins of stored clothing in her garage last night and wonders what she was thinking when she bought some of those pieces.

is longing for fall to arrive. Or at least October. Because Phoenix doesn't have "fall."

needs to pick up a new hobby.

wishes plans weren't so up in the air for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

is a bit wistful that she isn't on the cruise the majority of her friends are on right now. But a house is a good consolation prize.

needs to get up earlier for work. Being late is not a good thing.

is getting sick from everything she eats lately.

wishes her shoulder would heal and stop giving her grief.

needs to go buy a cable converter box for her non-digital TV so she has something to watch.

is a bit angry with her parents at the moment.

i *heart* anthropologie

It's better to never have browsed at all than to have browsed and found all kinds of stuff you lust after.

Where the Wild Things Are

One month from today. Would I be a geek if I showed up to the theater wearing my WTWTA t-shirt, carrying my stuffed animals, bendy straw and post-it notes? No, you say? Whew....

The Chair

I dreamt about this chair last night.

A New Day

After a rather tearful afternoon yesterday and venting to my best friend for over an hour on the phone, I determined that it is time to move on. I have a new home, why not change other things as well. I was prompted to this realization by a friend who I struggle with my feelings for (more than friends) who is doing the same. And I fear that, despite our deep friendship, he has finally begun to realize that I simply cannot be just friends with him because he gives me mixed signals and I tend to read too much into his words and actions. Whether or not his rearranging has anything to do with me, I need to let go and move on. For myself, for my sanity, for the sake of my other friendships. The time and energy I invest in my relationship with him needs to be spent otherwise.

Although I will always love him, I'm beginning to realize that I'm not in love with him. I pray that, in moments of weekness, I can overcome the urge to text, call, e-mail him and move on with my life. Despite knowing that he's not the one for me, that we wouldn't make a good couple, that I deserve to be loved and adored, I know I'll have moments where I become over dramatic and think we are meant to be together. Those are times I dread the most. I can handle everything else.

And so, I'm moving on to a new day. A new hope. I'm "freeing myself up for something better in the future". I know this man has played too big a part in my life to just up and forget, but I can move forward and let go of expectations. I know that he cares for me, deeply, as a friend. I know he enjoys our friendship. But that is the extent of his feelings. The ability to accept that and move on is what I am striving for now.

The happy ending to this five-year-long saga is truly this: Letting go.

Smelling Like Fall

It's still 100+ degrees in AZ, but the falloholic in me is itching to escape. Even if I can't see the changing leaves at my parents house (I'm receiving daily updates on the changing colors via e-mail and text pictures), I can at least make my home smell like autumn.

Leaves by Bath and Body Works

Try this candle/room spray/wall flower out. It's fantastic!

I spell addiction E. T. S. Y.

Vintage eye exam chart

Vinyl canister labels

Address labels

My willpower was not strong enough for me to resist the canister and address labels (helloooo.... labels) but I can't seem to summon the courage to pay $90 for the eye chart, although it would look adorable in the Word Room.

Settling In

Remember when you were a kid and you'd play house? I admit, I played house often, coordinating and organizing and making everything "just so." Somehow, those early forays into domesticity never seemed as daunting as moving into a new home has been. Granted, I've moved before (this is the 7th move in my 33 years), but I've never moved into a place that is totally mine. I've been trying so hard to make everything perfect immediately, and it has taken it's toll on me, mentally and physically.

Now, I'm trying to take it a little at time and just go with the flow. My next big project is to hang curtains and wall decor. I think those two little things will make the house start to feel like a home. My home. I'm desperate for that feeling. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying all my space and brand-new goodness, but it just doesn't quite feel like "me" yet. I'm sure though that, with time, I'll be able to infuse the place with my own unique and quirky sense of style.

Until then, the settling in continues.

Wishing and Hoping

The Comedy of Errors

Moving was truly a unique experience. That is putting it mildly. I'm tired of rehashing the story. Suffice it to say I'm moved in and dealing with the aftermath,which has included cans of touch-up paint, bottles of Glorifying Antique, appointments with repair men and a doctor's appointment. I'm 95% settled and the rest will just have to come in time as I've been put on physical restrictions by my physician.

But I love the new house. There is so much room I get giddy just looking at all the open space. I'm starting to "feel" it and am looking forward to getting some wall hangings up this weekend. I have a fridge, washer and dryer and am expecting my new vacuum to be delivered today. Last night I almost cried as I did a load of washing...and I've only lived without appliances for five days!

In a way, I still feel like this is all too-good-to-be-true. Almost as if I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. But there is no other shoe. For now, it's a glass slipper and I'm going to grab it and run.