The Upside...

I am trying to stay positive and focus on all the tasks/fun things my extra two weeks off work will allow me to do. Things like:

Attend Cactus League Spring Training Games

Read the entire Georgia Kincaid series in a day or two

Go hiking in Sedona

Focus on my schoolwork

Organize my apartment

Make handmade cards for special occasions

And maybe, just maybe, his mother will see fit to let me steal the adorable Hunter for some cuddle time

The Bright Side

Trying to look on the bright side here. Yes, I still have a job. Yes, I still have benefits. Yes, I still have free tuition. Who knows for how much longer but, for now, I have them. Them and an extra two weeks of unpaid vacation before June 30, 2009 and one less paycheck this year.

My gratitude to the Arizona state government.

The Big Picture

I work in an industry replete with grand ideas, challenges and goals. It's also an environment teeming with incredibly intelligent and altruistic individuals. People who are reaching for the stars and people who have the funds to support those endeavors. Grand, indeed.

However, the 'big picture' of my life is less grand. When I first embarked upon this career almost four years ago, I was intimidated and a bit shamed by the lofty aspirations and impressive achievements of my colleagues and donors. My own life, by comparison, was simple- and not in a good way. Or so I thought. But in the years that followed, my associations with these people and ideas brought me to realization that, however simple my life might be, it is only because I choose it to be that way. I am creating the life I want, not the life everyone else tells me I should have or want. My accomplishments are great in their own way- the work it took to achieve them is not diminished simply because I am not a world-renowned scholar or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.

Moments such as these are necessary for me to capture: the understanding that I am making my way through this world on my own terms and by my own rules. Others may not think so, but what many others think is immaterial. I embrace the simplicity of the road I have chosen to travel, knowing with a certainty that it is the journey I must take. I am writing the story of my life, not someone else. And that story is always evolving, being edited and refined as my world changes, as I change.

That is my big picture.

Crush du Jour

Jason Aldean

The "Original" Edward

Way back (okay, three or so years ago) when I first read and became obsessed with Twilight, the author had posted on her website that her first pick to play Edward Cullen in the movie was Henry Cavill. He will always be Edward in my mind. Robert Pattinson just is not, and never will be, Edward.

Bite me, hardbacks

I'm in a snarky mood anyway but I just found that book four of the Vampire Academy series will be published in hardback. Why does this tick me off? Because the first three have been published in trade paperback. I hate, hate, HATE when the publisher switches from paperback to hardback half way through a series just to squeak more money out of readers. Holy crap am I mad.

Just wanted to share my angst with the blog world.

Life Ain't Always Beautiful

Fitting for today's mood.

I'm done.

I am so done with boys and their stupidity and their lack of manners. Done with their last-minute invitations and trying to make up for their mistakes with cute text messages. Done with letting them make me second-guess myself and sleep with my cell phone in case they should text me.

Done. Done. Done.

Angel Wings

While waiting in line last night at the concession stand at the Roadrunners game, I saw the absolute cutest shirt on a woman. It was white, lite sweater-like material with a hood and slight bell sleeves. And it had beaded angel wings on the bag. Very cute, very bling, very boutique-ish. I fell in love with that shirt but didn't have the presence of mind to ask the woman where she'd bought it. (I was at a hockey game and itching to get back to my seat in case I missed a good brawl.) 

I've tried looking online but can't find the shirt anywhere. If anyone in blog land knows where I can find a similar shirt, you'll be my new BFF. (If the old one will relinquish her title. But, not likely. It's been 15 years and all. Girls get attached, ya know.) 

Good e-Mail Days

In my inbox this morning:

Saddle up cowgirl, it’s high time for a
night at the Ranch.

It's going to be a good weekend!

Trying Something New

Today, I am trying something new. I brought my workout clothes to work and plan on changing in the locker room before I leave. This will encourage me to stop at the park on the way home and walk. Now, why don't I just go home and change and then go to the park to walk? Because once my tired, 32 year-old body walks in the door of my home, I never, ever want to leave. Well, not until the next morning. So, by changing at work I am motivated to stop and walk. And not go into any stores on the way home. Because, me in spandex? Not a pretty site. Yet.

My Backyard is the Bomb

Yes, I just used the phrase "the bomb." No, I don't have a backyard. Yet. However, when I started my mini-house search in December, I planned ahead and scouted for some cool backyard gear.

Like this fire pit. Fire. In a cauldron. Who knows what other magically delicious things I can mix up in it?

And of course I'll need a beverage tub to hold all the root beer and Dr. Pepper that will be consumed at my house parties. They are going to be off the hook, yo.

These vine stars will light up my would-be backyard beautifully.

As will these star lanterns.

And what backyard would be complete without a swing?

Exotic Luxury

Heaven. Taj Exotica Resort & Spa Maldives

Self-diagnosing

I can't figure this out.

* I am hungry ALL THE TIME. Even after I've just eaten a huge meal. My body knows I am full but my mind/mouth just wants to eat, eat, eat.
* I gag when I brush my teeth. Not my tongue; my teeth.
* I am having nightmares about getting eaten by ugly, evil faeries.

Got any ideas for what plagues me?

Snowed In

I know I've complained quite a bit (here and in real life) about the cold AZ weather. Stop snickering, all you non-Arizona-dwellers. I grew up in the cold, in the state with the "Greatest Snow on Earth." And I don't miss it. My blood has thinned to the point that I cannot handle any temperature below 20 without massive system failure.

However, every once in a while I get a wild hair to be snowed it. To be stuck in a lovely mountain cabin (my parent's Star Valley home comes to mind) that is fully stocked with hot chocolate, pasta, fruit and home baked goodies. Books- lots and lots of books. And movies. I'd sport warm and fuzzy pajamas and socks and snuggle next to a glowing fireplace under my suede and sheepskin throw. As long and the power stays on and the water lines don't freeze, I could handle this. For about a week.

My parent's backyard...in October.

Quote for the weekend

Because some days it is all I can do to put one foot in front of the other:

"No amount of falls will really undo us if we keep on picking ourselves up each time. We shall of course be very muddy and tattered children by the time we reach home. But the bathrooms are all ready, the towels put out, and the clean clothes in the airing cupboard. The only fatal thing is to lose one's temper and give it up. It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us; it is the very sign of His presence." -C. S. Lewis

Reading Corner

Just thought I'd share what I've been reading and what I plan to read before school starts on Jan. 20.

* Morganville Vampires- Love this series. Blogged about it here. The fifth book was just released and Amazon said it's on the way to me now. Yay.

* Wicked Lovely - This series by Melissa Marr doesn't have a title, so I'm using the name of the first book in the series. I'm on the second novel, Ink Exchange, and find it oddly addicting. I'm not a big farey-fiction fan, but this isn't the usual stuff.

* House of Night- I received the series thus far (books one thru four) for Christmas but I haven't started them yet. The fifth book, Hunted, will be released this spring. In hardback whereas the first four where published in paperback. Yes, this drives me nuts.

* No new book until summer, but Vampire Academy is a favorite.

All or Nothing

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with today's post, but I'm longing to lie on a tropical beach and warm myself. It's about 55 degrees right now (which is warmer than when I spent the holidays in Utah) but I can't seem to get warm.

In thinking about what resolutions I wanted to make for 2009, I realized something. My goals don't have to be all or nothing. After all, life isn't all or nothing. I'm not going to say "I will eliminate all soda and simple carbs" or "I will never, ever cuss again" because, truthfully, I will drink a soda, I will eat a cookie and I will talk blue when I'm stuck behind a snowbird doing 25 in the fast lane of the freeway. That's just my life.

However, I can resolve to make better food choices. I can resolve to work out more often. I can resolve to watch my language. No perfection there...I'm simply trying to be better. It's when we restrict ourselves to black or white that we often fail at our goals. Indulge a little bit. After all, life was meant to be enjoyed as well as endured. As long as I make good choices over bad choices most of the time, I consider myself a success.

Which leads me to this: What are my goals for 2009? What do I hope to accomplish by NYE 09?

* I hope to become healthy and fit
* I hope to use better language to express my anger/frustration/amazement
* I hope to be kinder and gentler to those I care about
* I hope to live more in the moment, letting go of my insecurities and embracing life

Now I just need to find the energy to begin. :)

Just Do It.

I like quotes. I like Nike quotes. I like to hang Nike quotes on my bathroom mirror and fridge and bedroom wall in the hopes that they will motivate. Quotes such as:


And, after reading these quotes, I do DO IT. I eat the whole bar of chocolate, pint of ice cream, loaf of French bread. And I feel so much better.

2009

I have spent the last 4 1/2 days running around with my crazy crew of friends and being very unproductive. Which, as it turns out, is exactly my idea of perfection.

We spent NYE completely wound up (after I snoozed for about 20 minutes on Brandon and Alisha's couch despite being threatened by everyone who walked through the room), BBQ, sitting around a camp fire, doing dry ice bombs, setting off fireworks and making a scene in Denny's. I'm not a big NYE fan, but this was one was fairly low-key and right up my ally.

I spent the rest of my long weekend shopping, going to dinner, hiking in Usery park, around camp fires, at the movies, etc. I also realized that I am most certainly not the apple of a particular some one's eye based on his behavior this weekend. And that maybe, just maybe, another certain someone is coming around to my way of thinking (and feeling). There was a bit of disappointment this weekend but the new year looks to have some adventure in store.

And, because I can't resist, a few pictures of the adorable Hunter: