{random thoughts}

I recently bought all my texts through amazon.com. Needless to say when I checked out "my store" today, amazon had recommended several different books on witchcraft, spells and potions. The books were for a class already!!

The devestation in New Orleans is heartbreaking. It is unnerving to know that Mother Nature can be so destructive and there is really nothing that can be done to stop her. My prayers are with those who are effected by this tragedy.

The novelty of my hair being shorter has worn off and now I want to cut it again. Even shorter. I'm going to resist, though.

Football season starts tomorrow night. GO DEVILS. Of course I will be there, in the "good seats" cheering them on. But before I go, can someone explain the difference between a touchdown and field goal? :)

The Foundation is closing at noon on Friday. What a treat! Another long weekend. Whatever will I do with myself? ;) I suppose I could clean out my closet, organize my art stuff, mop the floors. But who would want to do that?

I'm working on a type of junque journal to document the last year of my twenties. I bought a 7 Gypsies journal and removed the wire binding. Now I'm inserting all kinds of different pages, envelopes, etc. Can't wait to see how it turns out...

Must overcome e-bay addiction. Must overcome e-bay addiction. In the past 3 weeks, i've bought a Prada bag, a Tiffany bracelet and a new pair of Oakley's. All expensive stuff. But, my birthday month is OVER and I am done spending. Now I'm going to save and pay off my evil cc. It's sooo nice to be able to live a little and not live paycheck to paycheck. Life is good!

{my alphabet}

a is for ashley stockingdale novels
b is for blogging
c is for costa vida (yum)
d is for denim anything
e is for eradicating evil
f is for fall
g is for gingeroot candles
h is for "oh hell no" (my favorite expression lately)
i is for Intergalactic Princess (aka: me)
j is for journals (as in 'altered')
k is for karamel apples (yeah, I know, but it's MY alphabet)
l is for lifehouse
m is for mtv's "fear"
n is for no fear
o is for Oakley
p is for portland, oregon
q is for quads
r is for rent, the movie
s is for starbucks strawberries n' creme frappucino's
t is for tiffany jewelry
u is for unabashed love for purchasing scrapbook supplies
v is for vampire state building nailpolish by OPI
w is for wakeboarding
x is for (hum, i'll have to think about this one)
y is for yamaha
z is for zealously surfing the internet

{ten places i want to visit}

My response to the meme on Two Peas:

1. Oregon Coast (Astoria, Seaside, Corvallis)
2. Friday Harbor, WA in the San Juan Islands
3. The Hudson River Valley in fall
4. Vietnam
5. Hawaii
6. Italy
7. Massachusetts
8. San Francisco Bay area
9. Paris (again)
10. Ireland

{birthday flowers}

When I met Erin and Justin at Carrabba's last night, Erin handed me a bouqet of beautiful roses. I had told her early in the day how every girl should get flowers on her birthday, not thinking that she would buy me some. But, being the amazing friend she is, she did. I hid it well, but when I got home I cried. I am so very blessed to have such an amazing friend and example in my life.

{happy birthday to me}

Yes, it's my BIRTHDAY! Woo-hoo. The big TWO NINE. And I'm finally okay with it. It's just another year. Another wrinkle. No big deal. I'm not 18 anymore nor do I want to be. I'm not sure I there is any amount of bribery that would make me want to relive my twenties up until now. Yikes!

I've had several people call and sing to me, which I love. My DAD even called and sang. THAT's a surprise. A co-worker gave me several pairs of comical socks that are too cute. I will tuck them away in my desk to wear when it gets cold.

I LOVE my birthday.

{pictures from CA}

Just thought I'd share a few pictures from the trip to Newport Beach. Erin has better ones on her camera. I'll post them sometime. Maybe.

This is Newport Beach, right across PCH from our hotel. It was so nice to just walk across the street!

Laguna Beach

{oh baby}

Just got a call from JG. Here's how it went:

JG: What are you doing on December 30th?

Me: December 30th?

JG: Yes.

Me: Hum, don't know. Getting married?

JG: Do you think you could pencil me in?

Me: Uh, sure. Why?

JG: 'Cause that's the day LJG is coming!

So, you gotta love C-sections. You can pick a date and plan it all. Works for me.

LJG (I picked out her middle name :)) will be here in just over four months. I can't wait!

{birthdays}

I'm not one of those people who likes to be hush-hush about their birthday. I love birthdays! I like decorations and party hats. Cake and ice cream. Brightly wrapped presents. I'm content to blend into a crowd 364 days a year, but not on August 25th. That's MY day. My day to have fun, get some attention and be spoiled.

Of course, living alone with no family nearby, I don't get the decorations. The last time I did was about 4 years ago when I was in Star Valley for my b-day and mom hung a banner and paper streamers in the dining area. So cute. But it's all good. My day is special to ME and maybe that is all that matters.

{back from the beach}

What a wonderful weekend in Newport Beach. Erin and I left early Friday morning for CA, stopped at In N Out for lunch, shopped at the outlet malls by Palm Springs (they had an Oakley store!) and talked the entire way.

Our hotel was right on the beach, thanks to my best friend's amazing husband! :) We shopped, ate, went to the beach, ate, went to another beach, ate some more. The temple was beautiful and I'm grateful we were able to tour it before the dedication.

The best part of the weekend was just being with my best friend. Our lives are so full and busy that, even when we see each other, we each seem to be slightly pre-occupied (at least, I am). It was good to just talk about anything and everything that came to mind. Fun to act like kids again and be dorks.

The trip was just what I needed. The sunshine, the beach, the change of scenery all helped to give me a different perspective on things that are going on in my life. I feel sooo good today. Almost as if I've come to terms with getting older and not being/having all I thought I would by now. I'm a work in progress and I'm okay with that. I'm happy being imperfect. Happy being goofy. Happy being me.

{i'm short}

And now my hair is, too! Well, shortER. My co-workers still consider it long. I don't. After chopping off about 4 inches, it is short. And I love it. Full of body and movement. Can't wait to go home and play with it a bit.

On a different note, I found the perfect way to pick up guys on campus today. I just need to drive around in the University's golf cart. All the guys want rides! I could charge...hum, there's an idea. :)

My face is peeling. Badly. I look like a leper; losing chunks of skin as I go. My poor nose is raw and red. No one's fault but my own. It's okay though, a small price to pay for so much fun!

{make it stop}

Time, that is. Today it became startlingly clear that I will be 29 in a little over a week. What the heck happened to my twenties? I want them back, dang it!

Everyone is telling me the thirties are MUCH better than the twenties. I'm sure they are. For them. They are all married, most with children. I can't even begin to fathom facing another decade on my own. It's almost too much to bear.

Yes, you've stumbled upon a pity party for one. I'm not usually this pessimistic. It just seems like that lately. I suppose I could share the good stuff.

Had an awesome weekend. Hung out with my best friend and her family on Friday. Went to the lake on Saturday. Actually got up on a wakeboard for a fraction of a second. Amazing feeling. So much easier than it was a year (and 30 pounds) ago. Definitely inspired me to get back on track, eat well, lose the rest of the weight and have a kick-butt shape.

Played volleyball and frisbee on Saturday night. Didn't know I could do that well at V-ball. I'm no champion, but it's amazing how your athletic ability increases as weight decreases. Then again it could be that with all the working out I'm more coordinated and agile. Who knows. WHO CARES??

Sunday. Taught Gospel Doctrine. Whew...glad that's over. Went okay, I hope. Slept for several hours to make up for Friday and Saturday night's.

Hoping to go to Newport Beach this weekend but not sure how it's going to turn out. School starts 8/22 so I'm crazy busy at work. What have I gotten myself into?

Cutting my hair tomorrow. SHHHHHH...no one knows. I'm cutting off all the long locks. I really don't want to, but I'm too old for hair that reaches almost to my butt.

NO FEAR.

{ultimate wish list}

Just for kicks and giggles:

Oakley Watch
Boat
Tahoe
Project Table
Necklace and Bracelet
Riverside Estate
Wolverine 450
Weekend at Red Mountain Spa
Kodak EasyShare DX7590
The library at Skywalker Ranch (scroll down about 3/4 of the way)
Writer's Weekend, Friday Harbor, San Juan Island (scroll down)
and what wish list would be complete without
Josh

{let it rain}

Monsoon season has set in. It fits my mood. Don't want to see ANY sunshine lately. Mesa was flooded worse than I have ever seen it last night. A commute that usually takes me about 35 minutes took almost two full hours yesterday. Good thing my cell phone had a full charge for chatting.

Found a new wrinkle in the mirror today. It's right across the wonderful, attractive scar underneath my left eye. Lovely.

Fell asleep listening to my iPod last night. Ears ache from them darn headphones.

As soon as I can afford it, I am having my eyes lasered.

JG is having another GIRL! So excited for her. MGG is a doll and I can't wait to meet the new Baby G! Of course, this means shopping for girly things. What a hardship. I already bought Baby G a cute little onsie. Couldn't resist. It's GAP, after all.

Currently hatching an evil plot to make sure I get my way [insert evil cackle]. I will go to h**l because of said plan but that is a risk I am willing to take.

{infinite sadness}

There seems to be an infinite sadness that permeates my being. Thoughts and feelings collide to ebb and flow within my soul. Moments of levity are quickly replaced by a melancholy I can't quite seem to understand. A shared smile; a passing touch. Memories brought to the surface; boiling over until I can't ignore them. They demand my attention and drain me of energy.

He is in my dreams again. I fight sleep knowing I'll find him waiting for me there. And, for a few brief moments, all the barriers between us are shattered and nothing matters. Then morning comes, the harsh rays of sun waking me from a world I would live in forever. Sunlight hurts my eyes and heart and I long for darkness again. Darkness is my escape. A portal into another world created by the longing in my soul decorated with the memories and desires of a love written in the stars. A love I may never know. I've caught glimpses of it before. I've been teased with the seduction of sweet smiles and warm eyes; with the safety and bliss of a strong embrace. Enchanted with the laughter of a mind and humor much like mine. Yet fulfillment eludes me and I have to wonder why. Could it be that I am unworthy of the adoration I so desire? Am I incapable of immersing myself in another person? Has my past so destroyed my future that no dream can come true? I don't want to believe so. I want to believe in all that I dream.

But still...

{little things that make me happy}

the smell of rain ▪ snuggling up under my new denim duvet cover ▪ talking to a good friend on the phone for hours on end ▪ good mail days ▪ fat-free brownies ▪ adding another item to my "wish list " on Amazon ▪ winning an e-bay auction ▪ getting to church on time ▪ movie previews at the theatres ▪ talking to my mom & dad on the phone ▪ a handwritten card, note or letter ▪ the color of the desert just before a monsoon ▪ burning a new CD ▪ sleeping in on Saturday mornings ▪ a good made-for-tv movie ▪ a brand new box of crayons ▪ kisses and hugs from little kids (of their own will) ▪ a clean car ▪ Wendy's frosties ▪ looking through my scrapbooks

{the list}

This week's cool spots and hot tots:

1. Sally Jean I LOVE these charms. Couldn't help it, had to order the Whimsical L for me. I would also like the Good Book Fairy charm and the Witchy Woman charms (hint, hint).

2. Caterpillar boots- Yes, I love boots. Yes, these are womens. Yes, they are cute.

3. If you like to take quizzes, visit Tickle. Lots of fun quizzes and some are right on the button.

4. Tim Burton is at it again. In the grand tradition of "A Nightmare Before Christmas", Tim has crafted an all new adventure coming in September. Corpse Bride

{ford mustang commerical}

Never thought a commerical could make me cry so much: Mustang Commerical

{Sixteen years}

Today marks the sixteenth anniversary of my brother's death. I was only 12 (almost 13) when he passed away. At times it seems as if I never had a brother; as if it's always just been me and my parents. But then I remember little things about him; about our life together as a family of four. I miss him so much today. I miss my parents so much today. I can't help but wonder if my brother and I would be friends as adults. If we would get along and hang out with each other as so many of my friends do with their siblings. I wonder if, by now, I would have a cool sister-in-law and nieces and nephews (and I'm pretty sure I would).

I wonder if my brother looks down on me on occasion and shakes his head and laughs at my silly antics and stupidity. I'm sure he does. He'd always make fun of me in life, I'm sure he's the same in heaven.