WILDHEART

I want this. Badly. Just seems to fit me.

Have a great weekend!

Move, Dang It!!

I stepped on the scale this morning and it hasn't budged since last Thursday, despite the fact that I worked out four of the last seven days- hard. I didn't do the whole "out for a leisurely stroll" bit, either. I kicked my own butt. And no weight loss? What the heck?

Okay, I confess I didn't eat the best, but, according to the website I'm using to track the food I eat and my exercise, the activity I did negated the additional calories. For every day of the last week, except yesterday, I was under my total calories needed to lose 2 pounds per week. So why didn't I lose those 2 pounds?

It is going to be a long, hard, frustrating, tear-inducing five months if that scale doesn't start moving soon.

Fitness/Adventure Bucket List

I was listening to the 2/22 podcast from Jillian Michaels and she mentioned creating a fitness "bucket list" capturing all those physical things you want to do. I get this. Having struggled with my weight since I was a teenager, there are many things I've always wanted to do but never have, either because I wasn't physically able to because of my weight or because I was intimidated or afraid of how I would look doing those things. But, as I embark once more on this journey, I've decided to take Jillian's advice and create a fitness/adventure bucket list. Here is what mine looks like so far:

Exum Mountain Guides- my parents live in Glen Exum's previous home, for crying out loud. You think I would have done this by now. I want to start with Multi-Pitch Climbing- Level 1. Not sure how much I would actually enjoy climbing, but I want to give it a try.

Hike Havasupai Falls @ the Grand Canyon- I was all signed up to do this my senior year of high school but the floods came (seriously, look it up) and we weren't able to go. Still want to do it.

Skydiving- no explanation needed here

Rowing on Tempe Town Lake- why haven't I done this yet???

Surfing- again, no explanation

Dance on the bar at Coyote Ugly- fully clothed and sober, of course

I'm certain I will think of more...

Fitness Tools

Cool exercise/nutrition/motivational tools I've found (usually by being linked to a blog from another blog from another blog, etc.).

Gina's Weight Watcher Recipes- delicious, healthy recipes

Jillian Michaels podcasts- interesting and motivational

Fitness articles on Girls Learn To Ride- a bit geared to the younger generation but still lots of good info, especially for those fellow wakeboarders out there

Nike quotes- I love these and have several posted around my house

My Virtual Model- enter your current and goal weights and get pictures (generous ones...mine don't show my stretchmarks) but a great motivator. My pictures are hanging on the inside of my medicine cabinet at home.

Navy SEALs, gym sessions and H2O+

• Sunday night I dreamt I was married to a Navy SEAL. When I told two friends, both of their first responses were, "SEALs are HOT!" True. But, as far as the military goes, the Navy is pretty near the bottom on my list. I will always be an Army girl. Go figure.


• To prepare for my upcoming marriage to the above-mentioned SEAL, I've started hitting the gym for two hours a day. It's completely kicking my butt but I feel incredible. After only about a week (I started going back to the gym before the dream) I can see the difference in my muscle tone. It's as if the muscle was just smothered by the fat and, now that I'm giving the muscle some energy (translation: weight training), it's fighting it's way from under the fat.


• I mentioned H2O+ mint shampoo in a previous post, but I neglected to mention their Mint Ice Fitness Cream. Can I just tell you I love this mint stuff. It's so refreshing after a workout and makes my skin feel tingly.


• For some reason, my iPod Shuffle was playing the same 20 or songs over and over despite my knowledge that I was syncing a playlist of over 350 songs. Last night, I discovered that, unlike my Touch or Nano, you have to actually hit a button after the Shuffle is connected. Now, I have much more variety. And added some new stuff: Pocketful of Sunshine- Natasha Bedingfield; Wild Again - Starship (from the Cocktail soundtrack); and Glory of Love- Peter Cetera (from the Karate Kid: Part II soundtrack). And odd mixture, I know, but pretty much all music motivates me.

Any suggestions for more "move your butt" music to add?

The Choices We Make

There is no such thing as no regrets- this I know. Still, I've tried to live my life so I will have no oppressive regrets. And, for the most part, I feel I am doing pretty good in that area. I've taken chances that have had me trembling beforehand but, in the end, I'm glad I took them. The end result is not always as I hope, but I find peace in knowing that I did what I needed to do.

I took one such chance recently and it doesn't seem to be working out too well. From my point of view, I think the choice I made truly hurt a friendship. Not that I regret that choice or that I hurt anyone, just that I created an awkward situation where before there was a deep friendship. It stings a bit to know I sacrificed a relationship for my own peace of my mind, but I truly cannot see how I could have done anything differently. I knew that at some point, I was going to need to lay it all on the line and so I did.

I've been dealing very well with the situation but today I feel sad, upset, and a little wistful. Despite my 'cowgirl up' attitude and the belief 'it is what it is', sometimes we just need to wallow a bit. After all, if we never feel hurt or sadness, we will never know or appreciate true joy.

The Case of the Mysterious Valentine

As much as I love Nancy Drew books, Veronica Mars and good mystery novels, I'm not so much a fan when the mystery happens in my own life. On Saturday, Valentine's Day, I was sitting on the couch (watching Veronica Mars, ironically enough), when the doorbell rang. I do not answer my door. Ever. Unless, of course, I'm expecting a visitor. I figure if it's someone I know, they'll call me from their cell phone and tell me they are at my front door when I don't answer.

About five minutes later, I open the door, thinking that perhaps I had received a package from FedEx or UPS and the delivery person had left a note on my door saying the package was at the apartment office. Instead, I find a brown paper bag with some pink tissue paper poking out of it. Inside is a single red rose with greenery and baby's breath inside a vase, a big bag of peanut M&Ms and a card with a cursive "L" on the front.

Once inside, I open the card. It's a simple handmade card and the typed note inside says "To a sweet Valentine's Day...whomever you choose to spend it with." And it wasn't signed.

Needless to say I've called everyone I can possibly think of who could have left me this anonymous Valentine, to no avail. I've engaged all my super hero, super slueth powers and still nothing. Well, okay, not nothing, but I really don't think it was from the person I want it to be from. UG! Some things are just so darn complicated! Of course, my mother is getting a kick out of this because, after all these years of playing pranks and doing funny little things for my friends, someone finally got me back.

If anyone has any information leading the resolution of this mystery, there just might be an award in it for you.

Single Girl Valentine's

What exactly, you may ask (or not, depending on your level on interest) does a single girl do on Valentine's Day? Well, she:

• Gets a pedicure


• Buys herself flowers


• Browses Barnes & Noble to her heart's content


• Shops at scrapbook supply stores


• Eats at Costa Vida (or In N Out, whichever she feels like)


• Has a chick flick marathon while lying about in her ratty old jammies with her hair pulled straight back from her face and wearing glasses

Happy Valentine's Day.

The List of Things that are Good (v1.1)

H2O+ Spa Ice Water Cooling Mint Shampoo

(I also want to try their new Bali Breeze line)

Costa Vida sweet pork salad

Ed Hardy Women perfume

Privileged

FOAM Magazine

Three-Month Supply

Build a small supply of food that is part of your normal,
daily diet. One way to do this is to purchase a few extra items each week to
build a one-week supply of food. Then you can gradually increase your supply
until it is sufficient for three months. These items should be rotated regularly
to avoid spoilage.

Can someone explain to me how I am supposed to procure a three-month supply of In N Out???

Closer to Myself

Where to start? Last week was definitely one of the harder weeks I've had in the last couple of years. It seems as if everything emotional that could come to a head, did. I was anxious and stressed about my job and our required, unpaid furlough. I was tired of fighting and hiding my feelings for a one guy while being incredibly frustrated at how another was treating me. I was eating awful and therefore felt awful. I missed a couple of assignments in class. The list goes on and on. Finally, on Friday, I decided I couldn't go on the way I was. So, I:

1. Cut off a certain guy who has been frustrating me to no end with his flakiness and rudeness. I don't accept that kind of behavior from my friends; why was I accepting it from someone who hadn't even reached true friend status yet? That tie has been cut and I feel good about the decision.
2. After two incredibly frustrating and uncomfortable conversations with a very good friend, I decided to, once and for all, put my feelings on the table and tell him that I had more than friend feelings for him. I meant to do this back in September and chickened out. But this time I knew it had to be done, for my own peace of mind. I couldn't find the words, so I finally wrote him a note and gave it to him. No matter what happens from here on out, I did what I had to. I know without any doubt that, had I never told him how I feel, I would have kicked myself in the butt for it someday. These feelings have been growing for over three years and I needed to let them out.
3. There is absolutely nothing I can do about my job and pay decrease. I'm very grateful I still have a job and all the benefits it comes with. I just need to tighten the belt and be more frugal and conservative. I really don't need to pay $60/month for my Internet nor do I need to pay $75 for cable television I rarely watch.
4. It's time to stop making excuses for my weight, for my eating habits, for not exercising. I am going to take it slow and steady and get on the healthy train.

There it is. My new outlook on life and a new beginning, in a few ways. A resolve to be true to myself and not let fear control me. No matter what may happen, I can choose to react to it with grace and wisdom. I am truly not the weak creature I have seen in the mirror these past couple of days and I refuse to see her anymore when I look.

Breaking point

Ya know that that place where you are about to lose it all? I'm there. I've been desperately trying to hold it together this past week but I've not been very successful. And now I'm one heartbeat away from falling apart. I have so much pent up anger and frustration that I could power a small village. I want to simultaneously to beat someone up and to also hold on for dear life. I'm sick to dealth of heartache and tears and games and uncertainty.

What's even worse is that all the old stand-bys are not helping. Nothing is calming me; nothing is talking me down. I'm a ticking bomb and I have no idea when I'm going to explode.

Superbowl Texts

Have you ever wondered what text messages between best friends read like during the Superbowl? Wonder no more.

LM to ED: Um...doesn't our boy Ben look good?
ED to LM: Just like a big ole teddy bear.
LM to ED: That's what I'm taking about.

Later...

ED to LM: I may have to root for the Cards 'cause Kurt Warner was born 6.22.71.
LM to ED: I know someone else who was born that day but she would never choose Kurt over Ben.

After the amazing victory...

LM to ED: I bet Ben's getting some tonight.

Yes, these things were really said, er, typed, between my best friend and I. Of course, we also commented on the game but where's the fun in recounting those words?